Road to Worship

Semantics and Hate Separate Jesus and Religion

2012-01-14T01:13:00.000-05:00

This video has a lot of Christians up in a frenzy and for good reason. It's shocking, potentially offensive, and is BLOWING UP on YouTube. Like most news articles, I was initially conflicted with this video. But since I am way to concerned with logic and order, I wasn't OK with being conflicted and decided to enter into a pro-con debate with myself about this video.

In typical Parliamentary Procedure, for every con there will be a pro*.

The Pros are Green because that's what made sense. The Cons are Purple because Red is scary

High quality production
Separates Jesus from Christianity
Not gonna lie, the video is pretty cool
Takes scripture out of context
Separates Jesus for Christianity
Jesus came to give abundant life not abolish religion
Conveys a message that many Christians want to hear
People build churches
Takes Jesus away from neoconservative politics
Nations (read people) start wars
Promotes equal status for women
People do the preaching
Highlights the mudslinging within Christianity
Pretty sure spraying perfume on a casket is a cultural tradition, and thus this line is offensive
Shares the message that Jesus came for a relationship with God not a ritual
OH, DON'T GET IT TWISTED, YOU'RE JUDGING
Burn, so many people are closeted Christians. Hence Ash Wednesday serving as the "Christian Coming-Out Day" in college.
There are reasons people are in the closet and it doesn't mean they're unworthy
Glad you're no longer addicted to porn
Why are you "boasting" in anything?
I <3 the BIBLE too!
Semantics, semantics semantics
I don't think people today realize how humble Jesus was and probably looked
Transposes the good created by religion onto people
Highlights how religion has motivated people to defend and promote slavery and subjugation (in fact still does)
Uh, I LOVE Museums and HATE hospitals
At least Jesus WILL forgive him for what he's doing… oh wait… shouldn't that be a Con…
Really, you want to bring in the medical industrial complex here?
It doesn't depend on YOU it depends on HIM
Uh, aren't you being a little self-righteous?
You're a man made invention
But seriously, democracy is a social construction, does that make it wrong?!
You can't have a cure without an infection!
Jesus also says DO this in remembrance of me!
John Newton, author of Amazing Grace, WAS AN ORDAINED MINISTER!
Christianity IS A RELIGION!
"Man searching for God", "God searching for man", when did words become math problems?!
No, that IS why it's called grace!
You aren't supposed to hate as a Christian, SON
It is finished, is referring to his life. Way to misquote the son of GOD!

*I guess we now know where I stand. Thank you Jeff, but I will not be subscribing to your YouTube Chanel, but I'll follow you on Twitter...for now.

AMEN

What if I don't want the Mountain to move?

2012-01-09T00:16:00.008-05:00

I've taken an unintentional sabbatical from the Church. I didn't set out to stop going to Church, on the contrary, I've made every intention to go, every Sunday, for the past 18 months. But I haven't. Not even for Christmas, not even for Easter. And like the good Evangelical that I once was, I feel horrible about it. There's a deep laden sense of guilt that I've felt for the past 80 Sundays (give or take). But the fact is, the guilt hasn't been enough to bring me back, or to make me forget why I took the sabbatical in the first place.
18 months ago, my life was completely changed in a way that I would not wish on the scum of the earth. The details of which I refuse to put in print. But suffice it to say that everything I ever believed in, about myself, about the world, about society, and God, was completely shattered. What's even worse was how painfully long it took me to find my way back to the shell of the woman I was before. Yet perhaps what hurt the most was the soul crushing fear that turning to the God who was supposed to wipe away all tears, wouldn't be big enough to help.
"If you have faith the size of a mustard seed..."

I repeated this verse so many times I could write an entire doctoral dissertation on it. And I might someday. But every time I recited Matthew 17:20, every time I read it, every time I thought it, I always came back with the same question.
"What if I don't want the mountain to move?"
I am aware of how masochistic that sounds, but I did not and do not want my Faith to move this Mountain of grief and pain in my life. It's not because I like harboring pain, or feeling like a victim, believe me, there is NO glory in this feeling. This experience took everything away from me and I will be damned if it was going to take my Faith.
I was raised as an Evangelical Christian, I know what trials and tribulations do to your testimony, I know God doesn't give you more than you can handle, believe me, I KNOW it. But I also know that when you pray through the pain, when you fast, when you praise him anyhow, that pain becomes part of your Faith Story, and I do not want this in my Faith.
So I stopped going to Church. I stopped going because I knew people would give me thousands of reasons why this happened, many of which I would defiantly disagree with. I stopped going because I knew my pain was written in my soul and the minute I walked into the House of God, my Faith would take over and I would pray, and I would weep, and I would curse God, and ask for forgiveness, and understanding, and healing and peace.
I know there is nothing wrong with that, I know the Bible is full of examples of people asking God to help them with their burdens. But I didn't want God's help. Let me be clear, this wasn't about being stubborn or stupid, or naive, or having too little faith. It was about reclaiming what I lost, on my own. The only thing I didn't lose from this experience was my Faith. I still believe in God, I still proclaim Jesus as my LORD. My Faith was my constant. I knew that I would make it through to the other side of pain, as long as I still believed. And that was enough.
No, I don't want my Faith to move this Mountain. I have found ways to deal with its existence and turn it into something beautiful for the rest of the world. But I believe my Faith could, and that makes all the difference. If I had gone directly to the Church, my testimony would have this ugly scar of something completely un-Godly. But now it has this beautiful theme of Power, wonder-working Power, a Power so strong that it saves, even when no one is asking and no one is trying.
I realize now, that the mysterious beauty about Faith is that even if you don't use your Faith to move Mountains, Mountains will move just by having faith.
--

AMEN

Dear Oklahoma, You Broke My Heart.

2010-11-03T01:20:00.007-04:00

I studied Muslim Cultures in Europe in summer 2008.

This was not only one of the highlights of my interfaith life, but also a very eye opening experience. In the UK at that time, Sharia law was considered a viable option for British Muslims to use to settle their disputes. No, this didn't mean barristers where taught Sharia law and used it widely amongst the British Isles, what it meant was, if two or more Muslims had a disagreement, they could opt to go to a Muslim arbitrator who was knowledgeable about Muslim (read Sharia) law and that person could make a ruling for them.

I found this concept to be very progressive and most importantly very beautiful. It allowed British Muslims to be just that, both British and Muslim.

Flash forward to November 2, 2010.

The State of Oklahoma placed State Question 755 on the Ballot.

This ballot measure sought and succeed in eliminating using Sharia or international law from consideration in state/federal rulings. Many people over looked this measure for the more sexy Proposition 19 in California or the numerous GOP successes and simultaneous loss of many Democratic House veterans. I mean, sure, after all what does State Question 755 really do?

The straight forward answer, not much. It "eliminates" the use of a law that was never institutionalized in the first place.

The realistic answer, it shows just a much fear still resides in the hearts of many Americans.

I'm not sure whether the 70+% majority that voted in favor of this amendment were misinformed, naive, or Islamophobic, but I am sure this bill didn't come out of thin air. The fact that in America in 2010, we have a ballot issue regarding Islam is outrageous.

I am not an expert on Islam (or Christianity for that matter), but I am an expert on my own interfaith experience. The Muslim friends I have not only teach me the meaning of friendship and faith, but of what it means to be American. I have never been more inspired to achieve my dreams, stay informed and politically active for American issues and give back to my community than I have by my friends (many of which just happen to be Muslim). For these wonderful people in my life being American is their identity. And so is being Muslim.

State Question 755 changes that.

I'm less concerned with the logistics and constitutionality behind Question 755 as I am the implications of having a religion on a ballot. What if instead of Sharia law it read, to eliminate considering the Gospels, Torah, Dharmah, Gurū Granth Sāhib Ji, The Force, or History. Surely none of these "bodies of law" would ever explicitly make their way into practices in a state legislature just the same as Sharia law would not. So why did Oklahoma feel the need to single out Islam and not any and all other world views or schools of thought?

No matter what spin you put on this issue, fear is the ultimate driving factor. Which also happens to be the most dangerous.

The question then remains, what is Oklahoma afraid of?

America is the most religiously diverse country in the world and yet simultaneously probably the most religiously illiterate. If it's not some form of mainstream Protestantism most Americans wouldn't be able to tell you a single valid truth about that religion.

This breaks my heart.

Two weeks ago I just spent a weekend coaching new interfaith leaders for the Interfaith Youth Core's Better Together Campaign. Over the course of 6 days 300+ new interfaith leaders were trained to have a different kind of conversation about religion on their college campuses and to Speak Out, Mobilize and Sustain.

After today I realize the work these college students are doing couldn't be more relevant. Soon it is not going to matter if our children's education is sub-par or our unemployment rate is at an all time low. If we keep having the conversations of fear and hate there won't be any Americans to have jobs to lose or children to under-educate.

Make no mistake about it, religious diversity is a fact, it is not a verb.

If we do not engage together for a positive change we will fail together through our own negative ramifications.

Oklahoman doesn't believe we're #BetterTogether.

I know we are.

And this year, we'll prove it.

Serenity

2010-09-27T00:03:00.001-04:00

"God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference..."

Sermons aren't always epic theological quests, new-fangled hermeneutics or even passionate oratories. Sometimes they're simple truths we need to be reminded of.

"Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen."

My Ichthys

2010-06-10T20:43:00.006-04:00

During my time in Hendricks Chapel Choir we often sang, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing"

The following verse always captivated me:

O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above

At the time I couldn't explain why these words always brought tears to my eyes, but finally when my eyes are full of tears, the magnitude of those words fully sets in.

I've wandered. Far from the God I love. And it wasn't until I was fully broken that I realized just how far I've traveled.

I reached the pit of depression. I tried to "shrink" my way out of the pain, excuse it, label it, divert it, ignore it, fight it, and that's when I realized I wasn't just hurt, I was joyless. Not only was I not looking towards the hills from whence cometh my help, I'd forgotten the hills existed.

I spent so many months being unhappy that I'd totally forgotten What A Friend I Have in Jesus. I didn't forget about grace, or salvation, or his life on the cross, but I'd forgotten so much more than that. I'd forgotten and forsaken the joy that comes with living with Christ, with Waking Up and keeping Your Mind Stayed on Jesus.

That's who I am.

That's what I come back to.

That's where my strength comes from.

He is what keeps me.

I Never Would Have Made it Without [Him].

I've had this experience many times than I can care to count.

But this time, I'm going to do something about it.

I've been mesmerized by the icthys for some years, possibly even decades.

It's a symbol of Christianity that had a long storied tale.

I know the controversy over tattoos, especially in the religious and professional world.

But this isn't for anyone, it's for me.

It's my baptism, it's my covenant, it's my declaration of faith.

I used to think it was something I needed to earn. That I needed to reach a certain level of piety to have this symbol molded with my body.

But Jesus said, come as you are, and I'm tired of wandering.

So, here's my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.

A Different Palm Sunday

2010-03-29T22:20:00.001-04:00

Palm Sunday has a special place in my heart.

I gave my first sermon on Palm Sunday
I traveled to Jerusalem and walked the Via Dolorosa
As my beloved Runaway Theologian put it in a tweet, it's Jesus' red carpet arrival

Today unfortunately, I did not spend it in church.
Nor did I spend the week preparing a sermon.

Despite doing the hardest Lenten fast I've ever done (being Vegan) I've actually had very few spiritual moments in the last 40 days (LENT is actually 47 days because Sundays don't count as fasting days). That has certainly taken a tole, and that blog will be revealed later on in the week, but today's post is about the miracle that was my Palm Sunday.

In stead of going to church I spent my Sunday doing an Independent Service Project at Putah Creek with AmeriCorps NCCC. Our composite team of 9 spent the day manning various stations at the Farm's Open house. One station in particular sparked my interested.

There was supposed to be goats at the farm for people to pet. Instead there were Eews and Lambs.

I know it seems too easy.

I didn't go to church, but I still got to see the Lamb. Yes, even I tweeted the joke and may have used that caption in my facebook photo.

But this was more significant than that.

The lamb in the picture that I am not holding was literally a day old. She could barely walk, did nothing but drink her mother's milk, sleep, "bahhh", and look adorable. The one I held was a triplet born about a week ago. Still very, very young.

The significance of the day was just how fragile the life of this lamb was and how much it's life paralleled the life of Jesus. It was innocent. It was misunderstood (as in the other Ewe in the pen kept head butting him.) And most importantly, it completely captured my heart. Yes, I'm a vegetarian but I felt immensely drawn to this lamb, inexplicably. Which can also describe my relationship with Jesus Christ.

My heart is inexplicably drawn to Christ. He is my way, my truth and my life. I couldn't come to God (read LOVE) where it not through him.

But it's easy to be inexpiable drawn to something this adorable.

Which is not unlike Jesus. It's easy to love something that takes away your sin and pain. What's hard to do is to love it when it's no longer popular. Like Jesus, this lamb will eventually be lead to the slaughter. And at that point, when it's no longer cute and innocent, it's hard to still stick your neck out for the lamb.

As a vegetarian, I do.

Today's Palm Sunday was moving for me not because of a sermon, but because of the realism that is my faith and my personal decisions. Even when I'm not in Church I still get the message from God, and that message was simple:

It matter's not whether you're in Church or you publicly welcome in the lamb of God waving palms and singing Psalms. What matters is whether or not you cherish the birth, strive to emulate the life, weep at the death, and rejoice in the resurrection.

--
AMEN

LENT 2010

2010-03-29T16:30:00.002-04:00

When looking at the frequency of posts, it appears that I have been taking a spiritual hiatus. In many ways that’s true. I certainly haven’t wrote any sermons in the past month and a half, I haven’t been to church, and I haven’t had much quiet time.

I have however been fasting.

This year for LENT I decided to give up dairy and eggs (aka, I've assumed a Vegan diet). Had I been blogging religiously throughout, I would have commented on the irony of a vegan lent, instead I’ll leave that to the imagination. But since I've been on leave, I supposed the answers to a few general questions are in order.

Why?

I chose to be vegan because as a vegetarian who doesn't have much of a sweet tooth, my options were dairy, coffee or alcohol. I've tried the latter two in The Year of the Fast. Both ended up unsuccessful. I eventually just replaced coffee with tea and spent my “social hours” studying. In both cases, after week two, it never seemed like a fast, just a conscious decision to stop doing something. So vegan-ism it was.

How?

For the first 5 out of 40 days I had a partner, Brendan, O ne of my NCCC team members, who is much more vegan savvy than I am, offered to undertake to process with me. He enlightened me to the hidden product that is whey (milk) and the joy that is Oreos (which are in fact vegan but chalk full of unnatural preservative sugary goodness). So I've been checking labels in everything, eating separately from my team, missing all the pizza, bagels, cake, cookies other variations of free food, and binge eating cheese and eggs on Sunday.

Results

I will continue to be Vegan for LENTS to come, but I will not adopt vegan-ism into my daily life. I’m way too conditioned to eat eggs and cheese. The interesting part of LENT 2010 has been my lack of spirituality. Despite fasting being one of the most trying times the life of a Christian and one of the times when one should be exceptionally reverent, I haven’t been. I've honestly just been too busy, too exhausted and too tired.Which eventually came to a head last week.

My lack of a spiritual connection finally took it’s toll last Monday when I was so emotionally distraught and heartbroken that I couldn't get out of bed. It was only in my midst of tears that I realized; I couldn't remember the last time I actually prayed. Sure there’s the conditioned prayer before meals, travel, anything out of the ordinary, and for Syracuse Men’s Basketball, but not the true conversations with God that I usually have. I realized I wasn't lonely because I felt no connection to my teammates, as I originally thought, it was because I felt no connection to God.

Here I was spending all this time cutting something out of my life in remembrance of Jesus’ suffering, but yet I wasn't talking to him.

What’s even more interesting is the will power I've maintained through LENT. Right off the bat, I was tested. I went to San Francisco as was taken to one of the nicest restaurants I've ever been too and had the BEST sushi I've ever had in my life. There were 6 of us at the table and all 5 of them kept saying, “It’s midnight on the east coast,” “Can’t you just switch your days,” “Jesus won’t care,” etc, and when the dinner was finally over and I maintained my vegan fast, one of my friends commented "She has more will power than I do.”

And truth be told, I wanted to.

But it wasn't my will power, it was my faith.

My faith, kept me from wavering, and it’s kept me from wavering for 35 days now.

Oh believe me, I've wanted to. I've even cursed God for LENT. But I haven’t slipped. I don’t say this to brag, I say it to explain the beauty that is faith, LENT 2010 is showing me a different depth of faith. Faith doesn't just keep you going when you’re waiting, faith can keep you on the straight path even when you’re not walking anywhere near the vicinity.

I find this oddly, and incredibly comforting.

Theology of the Football

2010-02-07T15:25:00.003-05:00

It's Super Bowl Sunday and right now, millions will be watching one of the biggest games in American Sports. The day will be full of food, fun, shouting, cheering, gambling, friends, food and of course, beer.

No, I'm not going to preach about the evils of tackle football or beer, I grew up in Texas and happen to adore the sport, and beer.

Instead, I want to draw your attention to the other aspect of the day, the game itself. If we're lucky (and with the Saints and the Colts, luck really doesn't have any bearing on the game) we'll see a blitz resulting in a delicious Peyton Manning sack, a Saints interception resulting in a Pick 6, possibly a safety or a Hail Mary, long difficult but successful field goals, and some beautiful catches by Reggie Bush.

I know, ministers are supposed to be impartial, but have you seen Reggie Bush?And really, who wants to see the Colts win another Super Bowl?

All joking aside, it's the catching that caught my eye today. In this morning's passage in Luke, Jesus tells Simon "Don't be afraid, from now on you will catch men." This is a metaphor Jesus uses a lot when talking with his disciples. Matthew 4: 19 "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men." Mark 1:17 "Follow me, and I will make you become fishers of men." And in John he makes reference to this same analogy with less explicit words.

The fishing analogy is something that would have resonated with many at the time. Fish was in abundance in the sea of Galilee and it's surrounding bodies of water. It was certainly a profitable business to be a fisherman, but it was also tough, grueling, physical labor. The analogy that the disciples were to become fishers of men worked for many reasons. First, it was a tough, long, lonely, arduous job. Which is a lot like their lives following Jesus. Second, they performed a service that everyone wanted, but few wanted to do themselves. Sound familiar? Third, fisherman had to literally put their lives in the hands of the sea. Again, also something the disciples did.

That analogy works really well, if you know your biblical history, or ancient near east history for that matter. But if you don't, it kind of loses it's beauty. Were Jesus here today, giving the same message, I believe the passage in Luke would read a little differently...

¹One day as Jesus was standing by the Sun Life Stadium,with the people crowding around him and listening to the word of God, ²he saw at the field's edge two footballs, left there by the Saints and the Colts, who were getting ready for the game. ³He picked up one of the footballs, the one belonging to the Running Back, and asked him to go long. Then he taught the people from his 40 yard line.
⁴When he had finished speaking, he said to the Running Back, "Go deep, and get ready for a catch."
⁵The Running Back answered, "Captain, we've played hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will run into the go long."
⁶When they had done so, they caught such a large number of passes that they made it to the end zone. ⁷So they signaled their teammates to come play, and they came and won the game.
⁸When Running Back saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!" ⁹For he and all his teammates were astonished at the passes he'd caught, ¹⁰and so were the tackles and tight end, the center and the wide receivers.
Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men." ¹¹So they picked up their footballs, left everything and followed him.

Today being a running back has a theological equivalent of being a fisherman. It's certainly hard strenuous labor, it is something many people dream about being, but few can actually do. But at the same time, how simple is it to play a game of touch football with friends? More over, when it comes to their professional lives, which in turn affects their personal lives, running backs truly are at the mercy of their quarterbacks, without which, their job would be meaningless.

Catching fish to catching footballs, it's not hard to make those analogies, in fact in order to "update" the text, I merely had to change a few words here and there since a lot of the terminology is similar.

Or was it?

Let's look at what I like the call, the Theology of the Football.

If Jesus is the quarterback, and we're running backs, or wide receivers, or basically any other offensive player, first and foremost it means we have to have complete, unwavering trust in Jesus. No team is going to win a game if you can't trust your quarter back. And then there's your defensive line. Jesus is no where to be found there, so then who do you trust? It's not that he cannot do this job, it's just that, it's not his job. So who is your defensive line? Who are the people you turn to for protection?

That's your faith.

It's your faith is supposed to carry you through when Jesus can't play for you. Your faith, just like a defensive line, is the backbone of your team. You can't have a good offense and a bad defense. Just ask the Houston Texans. But the great thing about the Theology of the Football, isn't that Jesus is your QB or your faith is your defense, but it means that God is your Head Coach. God being the orchestrator of all things defensive and offensive, the one who all other coaches report to. Most importantly, just like NFL coaches, God changes for each team. Some teams need him to be defense heavy, some like the Sean Peyton of the Saints need him to be offensive heavy, and some multi-billion dollar teams like the Cowboys demand a lot from their coaches, and rightfully so.

But perhaps the best part of the Theology of the Football is what it says about our missionary work.

Looking back at the text, we see here the Jesus is referencing being a fisherman when it comes to missionary work. Which historically has meant we are supposed to go and use the bait of salvation to lure unsuspecting fish to our net. I just don't think that stands up in the 21st century.

Enter the Theology of the Football.

Here we are still catching men, but men in this analogy isn't an unsuspecting fish, it's a football carefully placed by Jesus Christ under the direction of God the Father. As running backs, we don't get to choose who we catch, our only job is to be there to catch them. We're told to run up the middle, sweep, run for the trap, and sometimes we're even asked to fake. But most importantly, we're given specific directions about how to play and the rest is out of our control. I like the analogy because it takes the pressure off the running back. Which means, it's not our job to find who to save, it's our job to be the vessel through which the ball is caught. If God knows the numbers of hair on our heads, and knew us before we knew ourselves, doesn't that apply to everyone? Which means who are we to say this person needs salvation or this person needs Jesus? We cannot see the entire filed. We have tunnel vision. Our eyes as running backs are to be fixed on the end zone, fixed on the prize.

And every now and then Jesus will call us for a catch.

And it's our job to be there.

Amen.

Good, Not Safe

2010-01-31T11:00:00.002-05:00

Today's readings from Jeremiah and Luke are very interesting enough on their own, but coupled together, there's got to be a great message there.

In Jeremiah we see the beginning of a Prophet's life, or in church folk words, we are hearing "The Call." While we don't have an exact age for Jeremiah at the time of his call, we know he was young. He calls himself a child and the expert guess is somewhere between 13-17. Additionally, we see here that this young prophet is experiencing doubt. Doubt about his readiness, doubt about his message, and doubt about his safety. Fortunately for us, God answers all of his doubts with somewhat encouraging words.

Now in Luke we also see Jesus, at the beginning of his ministry, at age 30. Last week we heard what Jesus read in the synagogue, which is actually a passage from Isaiah. This week's Gospel reading is a continuation of that story. Here for the first time in Luke we see that Jesus is not widely accepted, a parallel he himself makes in the text.

There are many parallels in the lives of Jeremiah and Jesus, but in this specific passage we see that both Jesus and Jeremiah talk about the danger in the life of a prophet. Which is why today's lesson is entitled, Good, Not Safe.

It's hard to read a story in the Bible and not think "What is God doing?" or "Why is such a benevolent God doing this to his people?" If you ever doubt that the Bible is full of violence and danger compare the popular stories to those found in Children's Bibles. We usually try to spare our children from the violence. But look at the most common story we teach children, Noah's Ark. How is this a children's story? Here God, the loving, all powerful and all knowing basically gets pissed with his creation and quite literally says "to hell with them," killing all but one family and a few animals. I know this is God and all, but, how is that a lesson you really want to teach your children? Or how about David and Goliath. Yes, it's a story about the little guy triumphing over the giant, but lest we forget, this story is still blatantly about beat down. Again, probably not the story you should be telling children.

The point is, most people go to the Bible to be comforted or for uplifting stories and I hate to break it to you, but those truly peaceful stories are really hard to find. Even the story of Jesus is still filled with plots of murder, rejection, and a dangerous journey (not to mention a child conceived out of wedlock). So, why then do we have this notion that God is supposed to make everything better? Why do we think that turning to God is safe?

In this day and age, what's safe about talking to someone that no one else can audibly hear? In this day and age, what's safe about giving 10% of your income (before taxes) away? In this day and age, what's safe about turning the other cheek? And my personal favorite, in this day and age, what's safe about telling someone they can't kill you? Are these not all things the Bible tells us to do? To pray, to tithe, to be non-violent, and to proclaim your salvation?

I wonder if people who proclaim that Jesus' path is the straight and narrow ever read the bible?

So, Jeremiah is right to question God. He is only a child and God is calling him to preach the doom of an entire nation. That's not safe. God is not safe. Every single story that we preach about isn't about people doing something safe. Moses, Daniel, Ester, Nehemiah, Ruth, Jacob, Paul and every other disciple, NONE of their stories are safe. But they are good. Because God is good. He never leaves you in a place you cannot handle. And we'll go back to the text here, because I love God's answer to Jeremiah's question about his journey and the perils that lie ahead. "Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you." He doesn't say relieve you. He doesn't say give it to someone else, he doesn't say he'll make your problems disappear. He says deliver you. Or in the NIV it says rescue you. And rescue him, God did.

Later on in Jeremiah we see that Jeremiah's life wasn't easy. His brothers attached him, church folk attacked him, he was thrown in jail and left to starve and had many many false prophets working against him. But God did deliver him. When he was starving in the cistern, he sent the Cushite to rescue him. God rescued him. And he does the same for us.

Today's lesson isn't about never being to young to do God's work, nor is it about God's path for you not being popular, but it's about something bigger than that. One of my favorite sayings about God is that he doesn't call the qualified, but he is qualified to call.

Which means that yes, we are going to go through hard times. Which means yes, you are going to have to do things before you're ready. Which mean yes, you are going to piss people off. People are going to be furious with you. And they should be. If you're really following the path God's calling you to it's not going to straight, it's not going to be narrow, it's not going to be easy, and it's most certainly not going to be safe.

But it will be Good.

Because God is Good.

And so I'll leave you with the lyrics to one of my favorite Gospel songs...

I know that God-- my God.
God Is Good----.
Oh--- God--- my God.
God Is Good----.
You know he brought me out of darkness.
God Is Good-----.

You know that he saved--- my soul.
God Is Good---.
Said that he saved--- my soul.
God Is Good----.
I said that he saved--- my soul, and then he brought me out of darkness.
God Is Good----.

You know that he guides my every foot step.
God Is Good----.
I said he guides my every foot step.
God Is Good----.
You know that he guides my every foot step, then he saved--- my soul, and then he brought me out of darkness.
God Is Good----.

And then he put food on my table.
God Is Good----.
Said he put food on my table.
God Is Good----.
Said he put food on my table, then he put shoes on my feet, so he could guide my every foot step, Jesus saved---- my soul, and then he brought me out of darkness.
God Is Good----.

And then he made---- a way--.
God Is Good----.
Said he made--- a way.
God Is Good----.
I said that he made--- a way, then he put food--- on my table, then he put shoes--- on my feet, so he could guide my every foot step, Jesus saved--- my soul, and then he brought me out of darkness.
God Is Good----.

You know that he healed my every sickness.
God is Good----.
Said that he healed my every sickness.
God Is Good----.
I said that he healed my every sickness, with no money in my pocket, he still made a way out of no way, and then Jesus brought me out of darkness.
God Is Good----.
God Is Good--------.

One Body, Many Interfaith Parts

2010-01-24T11:00:00.004-05:00

Today's lesson comes from 1 Corinthians 12:12-31.

This is a very popular passage; in fact it's one that occurs in the lectionary every year. To be honest it's easy. Here Paul is talking to the church at Corinth about the importance of honoring every believer and their respective place in the body of Christ (read Kingdom).

If you've every studied religion or taken a basic European history class, it wouldn't surprise you to know that in early Christendom there was diversity. Ethnic diversity and spiritual diversity. And we see this hear when Paul talks about the different gifts of the Spirit (speaking in tongues, healing, prophecy teaching, administration, etc). So it's easy to see how a "Love Your Neighbor" or "All are Equal" kind of sermon could be derived from this text.

But what I remember from my early Christianities class is that there was just that, Christianities, plural, meaning more than one. At the time Paul wrote this letter to the church at Corinth it wasn't like he was writing to Anytown, United Church. He was writing to the church at Corinth. But there were churches every where, each uniquely different with their one theologies and practices. This was the 1 century. There's no Nicene Creed, there's no ecumenical council. There was only believers practicing their faith. I say that, because this is an important connection for the Church of God is LOVE.

When I look at this scripture, I don't see it being an exclusively Christian text. Yes, in verse thirteen it talks about being baptized in one Spirit which is most arguably a Christian term. And in verse 27 it does mention the Body of Christ yet again, but if we only limit this scripture to Christians we're missing a beautiful message.

What does it mean to be a Christian?

I've said it time and time again. It means to follow Christ, it means Jesus is LORD. It means you live your life, you see the world, you see people, you see mankind the way Christ sees them.

We quote John 3:16, but what about John 3:17? "For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." The first part of this scripture says it all. God did not send his Son into the world to condemn. Period. But to save the world, through him. Now that can be interpreted many ways, but it doesn't always have to be a proselytizing verse. As Christians, Jesus is LORD. We should follow him, we should seek his face, we should do what Jesus would do. Which gives a new meaning to the b clause of John 3:17. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says. " Therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation. The old is gone and the new has come." The new spoken here is Christ in us. Which means that for John 3:17, we can save the world by letting Christ live in us. It's not that we need to convert the world. Christ can save the world if we simply let Christ live in us.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "You might be the only Christ someone meets?"

It's often said to encourage children to do good and act "Christ like", but I think it can be useful for adults too. We don't always have to spout scripture to show that we're Christian. Sometimes the most Christ like thing we can do involves no words at all. Sometimes the best witness or testimony we can give is sharing the transcending love of GOD.

That message brings me back to the inclusiveness of today's scripture.

Christ didn't come to this earth the save the gift of Salvation for some. Which means if we are to be like Christ, we cannot share our gift of inclusiveness with some. We need to include everyone. The human race, is a body. If we truly believe that we are all created from the same source, then we are all one body. Humanity is a body, a unit though it is made up of many parts. Which means this scripture reads:

⁴Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. ¹⁵If the non-believer should say, "Because I am not a believer, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. ¹⁶And if the Hindu should say, "Because I am not a Christian, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. ¹⁷If the whole body were Christian, where would the sense ofdiversity? If the whole body were an faithless, where would the sense of faith?¹⁸But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body (read humanity), every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ¹⁹If they were all one part, where would the body be? ²⁰As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

This text is a perfect example of how our faith should allow us to be

This text is a perfect example of how our faith should allow us to better "coexist" with the world. Paul acknowledges the differences in Christianity but this scripture also parallels the differences in mankind. Christian or not, God create mankind. We are all, whether we know it or not, and whether we believe it or not, part of one body. Everything doesn't have to always be a battle between the religions the non-religious.

And so I'm reminded of the words I once heard a said by a greater person than I am, Tony Campolo. The first part of the great commission is to go and make disciples. Disciples, not believers. A disciple is a follower. And Twitter has shown us, you can follow a lot of people, without believing them.

So we need to expand our view of Jesus. Jesus should not be a limiting factor in our lives. He should be the thing that opens us up to new things, new ideas, new people, new faiths, new beliefs, new world views. Just as he did in his time. Jesus expanded the conventions of the day. He open the doors of faith to accept those thought to be a outcasts. He expanded traditions and because of his life all have a place in the Kingdom to come.

So must we expand the conventions of our time. We must open our doors of faith to accept those who others outcast. We need to expand our tradition so that yet again, all will have a place in the Kingdom to come.

Amen.

Faith in Love

2010-01-17T11:00:00.000-05:00

How do you write an appropriate sermon on the birthday of the greatest orator, preachers, political activists, interfaith leaders, and heroes of social justice?

Furthermore, how do you do that and still use the common lectionay?

Do you compare him to Jesus?

Do you compare his vision of America to the New Zion?

Do you mention his spiritual gifts?

If you're me, you do none of the aforementioned.

When ever I think of Dr. Martin Luther King, I am always floored by his faith.

So I bring you out of the common lectionary, yet again, to talk about faith.

Today's scripture comes from Hebrews 11:1.

"Now faith is being certain of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

There is no doubt in my mind that every time Dr. King did anything to advance the civil rights movement, he did so with complete certainty that "[his] four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

It took faith. It took unwavering, unshaken, undisturbed faith in Justice.

But why does that even matter? Why am I a talking about faith, today? I am talking about faith, because yet again, this isn't a message that I'm giving, it's being given right now. I am the vessel that God is choosing and this message is for me just as it is for you.

I'm talking about faith because faith is being tested.

Everywhere you turn there is someone, something trying to destroy the faith of the faithful. It's on TV, it's in movies, it's in music, it's in our friends, it's in our family, it's in us, and yes it's in the church.

It's doubt.

No, I'm not talking about doubting God.
In these rough economic times it's easy to believe in God for a miracle or to beseech him for a blessing.

I'm talking about faith in the core message of Christianity. I'm talking about faith in love.

The church is in trouble.

In Isaiah 62 we learn what God says the New Zion will be like. But the problem is, we're doubting that the day will come. People are slowly losing faith in the Church. Everywhere you turn you can find some 20-something who has lost their faith, and more often than we'd like to admit, they blame it on the church.

And for good reason.

The church is acting as if we are in the New Zion. As if the body of believers today is what the LORD delights in.

But it's not.

The church ostracizes, judges, over pays, over works, blasphemes, and degrades both believers and non believers alike. I think the Black Eyed Peas said it best, "where is the LOVE?"

The church is in trouble because we've lost faith in love and the power it has.

We quote John 3:16 like our lives depend on it, but what is the very beginning of that verse?

"For God so loved..."

God loved, from the beginning. And we as Christians are supposed to be like God, so why do we have a problem loving? Why are we propagating messages of hate? Why when members of other faiths come to our doors to learn about or savior do we automatically feel compelled to save them? Why do we feel the need to point out the sins in others?

Why can't we just love?

Why is our faith strong enough for salvation but too weak for love?

How many times have we heard or read 1 Corinthians 13?

Honestly.

And how many times do we actually think about what it says?

Listen to these words now.

¹If I speak in the tongues^{a]" style=" line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,^{b]" style=" line-height: 0.5em; ">[b]} but have not love, I gain nothing.
⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love

The greatest of these is love?
I'm not saying we don't love. I'm saying we've lost our faith in the power of love.

If we really believe that love conquered all, and specifically that God's love for us conquers all, would we really act the way we do?

If we had the kind of faith in the power of love like Dr. King had in the power of Justice, what could we accomplish?

Rather than giving a list of things to do to prove your faith in love, I'm going to close with this:

Dr. King had powerful faith that America could be the nation of Justice it claimed to be and because of his work, and what he inspired in many, his dream was completed. What if Christians had the same powerful faith that God's love can conquer all? What would that dream look like?

Hannah and the Church

2010-01-03T11:00:00.001-05:00

Due to traveling and the Holiday and the fact that I left my sword back in Sacramento, I was unable to draft a sermon for today from the lectionary (Yes, I am aware that there will come a point in time when this will be unacceptable.) I did however attend service at Mother Bethel AME Church in Philadelphia this morning with my Grandmother and was deeply moved by the text that formed the basis of today’s scripture.

The sermon today came from 1 Samuel 1-9a and concluded with verse 12. While the sermon focused on Hannah’s decision to do “try something different” as opposed to constantly mourning her barren state, I was deeply moved by verses 12-15.

12 As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth.¹³Hannah was praying silently; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard; therefore Eli thought she was drunk. ¹⁴So Eli said to her, ‘How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Put away your wine.’ ¹⁵But Hannah answered, ‘No, my lord, I am a woman deeply troubled; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. (NSRV)

Here, after Hannah has tried something different, after she’s decided to go to the source of the Power that can actually solve her problem, after finally deciding she is “sick and tired of being sick and tired,” she breaks down and starts calling out to the LORD. I was so moved by the reading of this scripture that I tears began to form in my eyes.

How many of us have been at the stage Hannah has been in? When you are literally at your wits end and you’ve finally come to cast your burdens, but by now your burdens are so heavy, so painful, so all consuming that you cannot even bring yourself utter the words needed to pray. How many times have we called out to God, in sheer agony? The pain that only comes from being in a situation so long that even in the presence of the Comforter, you find no comfort. Hannah is at this point. Scripture says she was praying without words. Her lips were moving but no sound was audible. She was in such a state of extreme heartbreak that even Eli couldn't register her plight and assumed she was drunk and was about to kick her out of the Church.

Verse 12 is the turning point for me in Hannah’s story. After she finally got right, and decided to go to the LORD, crying and beseeching in only a manner that the LORD could understand, the so called people of God, couldn't understand her. But instead of getting nasty, instead of getting indignant, or even losing her faith, she simply replied, “my heart is broken and I am calling to the LORD in the only manner I know how.”

Finally Eli, got it. She was responding to a pain that was God given and that only God could take away.

Hannah’s situation is a question asked repeatedly in the bible, in fact there is a Jewish holiday (Tisha B'Av) dedicated to asking the very question “why do bad things happen to good people?” Why was Hannah barren? Why after years of faithful serving her God, why after being a good wife and doing everything according to traditions of society, did God still not grant her the blessing of a son?

In order to know Hannah’s answer to this story we have to know a little bit more about Hannah. If you recall, Hannah does eventually get her son, Samuel. And just when the LORD gives him to her, he takes him away from her to serve him. Hannah was not just given a Son that would provide her security, Hannah was given a son that would provide security for all of Israel, a son who would succeed where the Judges failed, a son who would be the necessary link to the coming Messiah.

We don’t know why Hannah suffered for so long, but we do know that her suffering, that her pain was eventually wiped away, and because of it, she was given a greater blessing than she could ever imagine.

Now this isn't a Job sermon and I’m not talking about going through dessert to get to the land of milk and honey. I brought up this part of Hannah’s story because it has a unique position to the Church of God is Love.

Hannah did do something different, she came to the LORD and beseeched in a manner that he couldn't understand. But eventually the church got it. And they Got it because Hannah and her pain played a pivotal part in the will of God.

I liken Hannah’s barren state to the Church of God is Love. It’s pulpit is barren, it’s pews are barren, but it is still a valid concern in my heart. Like Hannah, I too know that I am barren. My spiritual calling has yet to be fulfilled. After spending time with family who expected me to be in seminary now and attempting to explain why I am not, I understand how she felt when the church prayed for her. People can offer you support, even church folk, but if it’s not time, it’s not time. After attempting to explain the Church to unbelievers and skeptics, I understand how it must have felt to be mocked by Phinehas. I too have cried out in audibly to God, asking when the day the Church of God is Love will come? When will it be my turn? And the Church doesn't get it.

But it will.

Because just like Hannah’s son Samuel,
the Church of God is LOVE is plays a pivotal part in God’s will.

AMEN.

New Year's Resolution 2010

2010-01-01T13:27:00.002-05:00

My only New Year's resolution this year is to keep my blogging promises.
Weekly sermons, at the least.

Something New

2009-10-19T01:42:00.003-04:00

Today I did something I've never done before.

I went to church on my own.

and a new church at that.

Yes, technically when I was in college the first time I went to PCM service I went to a new church alone. But maybe it's because I went on the Pre-Orientation retreat, or because I was surrounded by other college freshman in the same boat, or because it was located in the confines of the SU campus, but it didn't feel like I was "alone."

But today I was alone.

There was no one but me, my sword and the holy spirit with me.

It's amazing how uncomfortable going to a new church can be.

I thought looking up a church on the AME directory and google mapping the address would be the hard part. I was wrong.

The hard part was getting out of the car and walking through the door.

I felt out of place. Not because of anything the congregation or pastor did, but because I was new and not at home. Church always feels like home to me. It's the place where everyone knows me, I know them and it just fits. It took a while for Payne Cathedral of Faith to feel like "home" to me. But it wasn't until I walked in to St. Andrews that I realized just how much Payne really was "home".

I will be going back. Mostly because after the sermon, I began to feel a little more relaxed. And the congregation was very welcoming, as was Rev. Hicks and his ministerial staff. But I'm just wondering how long it's going to take for St. Andrews or any other church for that matter to feel like home?

What do I even need in a church home?

That's the real question here. Until now my mom always answered that question. She found the church and we went. And in Syracuse, the church basically found me.

Now I have to find the church. I have to define what I want and need. I have to pray and ask discernment. Me. Only me. This is major step for my spiritual journey.

and I gotta say, I'm not a fan.

New Directions: The Church of God is Love

2009-09-28T10:34:00.003-04:00

It's been such a long time since I've blogged that I'm going to do something I always try to avoid and do the diary-like update of my life since August 10...

That is to say,
A lot has been going on in my "faith journey" since the last post. The Chautauqua season ended and the only solution I came up with regarding more degrees was that an M.T.S. was pointless for me. I was told by many people that I should just pursue the M.Div since I have a pulling for ordination and it's better to be "qualified" and not go through with it than to realize you want to and still need more schooling. That being said I still love the idea of a M.P.A. It is exactly the type of education I want and need. I honestly get that nerd high when I read the curriculum and look at the Syllabus and think about the projects I would work on and the books I would read!

So I'm torn. But I've decided to go with the M.P.A. first. After all "you go into the ministry when you've tried your hardest to do everything else."

There have been many faith debates and thoughts going on since Chautauqua that have jostled my desire to go to Seminary and while the do usually only last for a hot second (read, a couple days), I think the problem is, I know exactly what I want to do...

I have this friend Anthony, or the Runaway Theologian. We took a Christian theology class together Junior year of college and one of our in class assignments was to create a Church for today's world. Well, we naturally joked about it and wrote down all the things we wanted in a church that honestly would not fly in any church we knew of to date. We decided to call that church the Church of God is Love. We have since referenced it in life every day, so much so that among our friends, it's part of the vernacular. And everyone we know of wants to come to our Church.

And that's what I want to do.
I don't want to be ordained in a denomination. I want to preach the word of God in the Church of God is Love. Because we're more than just believers in exile, or atheistic Christians, or liberal. We're the Church of God is Love. And some of our theology is more literal than most conservative Christians (think of the Theology of the Hammer, on steroids). And some of our theology is so socially constructed it's hard to see it as any organized faith at all.

But the thing is, whenever we talk about the Church to new people, they always seem excited about it. Case in point, I told my friend Jackie about it the other day and her response was "dude if you started a church about feeding the hungry, my dad would totally fund that." It was at that moment that I realized this is real,

But it's in blogging RIGHT NOW, that I've decided to make the Church of God is Love a reality.

So rather than spending my time researching other denominations or finding something to fit into (although I really do think that research is interesting and the books I did buy are GOING to be read) the 10 months I have with NCCC are going to be to be spent creating the Church of God is Love.

Every Sunday there will be a sermon posted,
and every week Anthony and I will release more information about the Church so that inshallah, when I'm finished with NCCC and about to enroll in my first M.P.A. classes, we can take the church in the directions that we see fit. Only to come together after we both finish Master's degree number 1.

(Which means, Anthony, that Master's degree number 2 for BOTH of us, will be earned at the same school and if nothing else the same city!)

So here's a little preview of what the Church of God is Love will be like...
saying "Amen" is great, but in THIS church,
if you agree with what's being said,
you say,

"GET IT!"

Hallelujah-Holler back!

If Jesus Didn't Exist...

2009-08-10T17:19:00.002-04:00

A quick search of my blog will show that I've flirted with this topic before but today I've decided to finally sit down and take it to dinner.

Despite evidence to the contrary, there has yet to be conclusive evidence that Jesus existed. Which naturally inspires many to search for the evidence that he did not. How I feel about this, how any believer feels about this, is crucial to their theology. Good thing I'm on the fence...

My first and immediate thought about science "proving" Jesus didn't exist, is that my faith is stronger than evidence. I cannot fathom evidence that would be able to break my faith that Jesus Christ was a man that lived, breathed, died, and rose again. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Which doesn't make me delusional, it makes me ardently faithful. This is faith the evidence for things not seen.

But, the "what if" still bothers me.

and since I haven't been able to silently deduce my thoughts, I'm going to free write them and hope an answer emerges. [EDIT] IT DOES [/EDIT]

If Jesus did not exist, I would still be a follower of Christ. While it might not be a "religion" anymore, I believe the teachings of Jesus will always be valid. The Sermon on the Mount is beautiful. And it matters not whether it was actually spoken. Which means it matters not whether Jesus did exists. My argument, in face of this unfathomable evidence, would be: Even if he didn't exists, there is much conclusive evidence that these "teachings" have led to some of the most generous acts of kindness and compassion in the world. He might not have lived, but he lived in the hearts of those who believe in his words. He might not have been crucified, but he is crucified when those who believe in "his" words are crucified. He might not have actually been resurrected, but his message has been killed numerous times, but it comes back to life in other human beings who are ready to follow out "his will".

If Jesus Christ didn't exists they way the bible says he did, he certainly does exist because (and this is where my CRS degree is finally paying off) people MAKE him exists, over and over again. Our worlds are socially constructed, every aspect of them is. To say that science isn't a social construction would be just as untrue as saying religion isn't a social construction. But the thing about social constructions is that it doesn't matter whether they actually exists in a metaphysical sense, but whether they exist in a personal and collective sense.

We make reality.

And as long as the Jesus reality, orients and motivates people, he will exist.

So here's the real kicker. There's two clauses to what faith is in Hebrews. The "evidence of things not seen" describes the faith of a believer who seeks to maintain the humanity of Christ. But the "substance of things hoped for" is the faith of a believer who made Jesus. That faith, makes Jesus real.

The God Who Wasn't There

2009-08-10T08:56:00.004-04:00

While stumbling across articles in my Google Reader last night I saw an Ad for the newly released DVD "The God Who Wasn't There." Naturally I clicked the ad and was immediately brought to the documentary website. I then proceeded to watch the YouTube trailer as the one on their website is oh so tiny.

The basic premise I surmised from the website and the trailer is that there is scientific, and historical evidence that Jesus did not exists, and further more that early Christian's didn't believe Jesus to be human. It's not the battle of "facts" that disturbed me, or even the battle of "history". What truly disturbed me about this documentary was the very fact that someone felt the need to make it. Watching the trailer one can deduce that the filmmakers are deeply disturbed by the extreme actions taken by fundamentalist Christians. This thought is only further embraced by the interviews and commentaries said to be held in the interview, chiefly that of Richard Dawkins, the notorious (and if I may add, utterly malicious and cruel) author of The God Delusion.

Now, I am bothered by the things in history and in the present day that are done in the name of Jesus Christ. But this documentary takes that feeling to an inappropriate level.

Setting aside disdain for how Christianity can and has been manifest, I cannot fathom why an atheist would seek to create a documentary to expose the "lie" or "delusion" that is Christianity? If one has no religious belief, if in fact nothing happens when you die, if Jesus Christ did not in fact exists, and "science" and "logic" really do prevail, what is the point in taking the foundational and ontological belief about God away from someone? If there's no religious problem at stake, why take away the very Truth that orients and motivates someone? Maybe it's because I happen to be deeply faithful, but I cannot for the life of me see why this is anything other than selfish and hurtful.

Sure, I will certainly agree that if one's faith is destroyed by a documentary, then surely the faith wasn't strong enough in the first place. There is plenty of scripture that backs this up and more than that, it's logically true. But that reality doesn't justify in my mind, the reality of someone seeking to destroy someone else's faith, especially if they have no other "faith" which they are trying to impose.

If you're not going to offer Peace which passes all understanding, why on earth would you want to take that away from someone else?!

I'm not opposing anti-religion documentaries as a whole. I happen to believe Religious offers a very important reality check for people of Faith. But what is staunchly different about these two is that Religious attacks the ridiculous beliefs of people of faith and the actions they inspire. It attacks the axiology of a person of faith. This film, The God Who Wasn't There, attacks the ontology.

The problem is never someone's ontology. It's the epistemology they use to understand it, and the axiology it inspires.

Seeking to destory or even uncover the "truth" behind someone's ontology is perhaps the greatest danger that exists within humanity. It goes beyond changing someone's actions. It creates an existential crisis. Which can have the capacity to reshape theology. But it also has the capacity to break down all notions of compassion, kindness, love and generosity in a person.

In the words of Rev. Tony Campolo : "If you think I'm this bad, with Jesus, imagine what I would be without him."

Atheism

2009-08-05T10:13:00.002-04:00

If you ask many theologians, pastors, and religious scholars about theology today, you're bound to get a very different answer than you would have received decades ago. That is to say, many people are now leaning towards atheistic, theology.

Now I know what you're thinking. Atheistic theology is a oxymoron. But this atheism is atheism in it's truest form. Atheism, as in against, or not-theism. Merriam Webster defines "theism" as:

Main Entry: the·ism
Pronunciation: \ˈthē-ˌi-zəm\
Function: noun
Date: 1678

: belief in the existence of a god or gods; specifically : belief in the existence of one God viewed as the creative source of the human race and the world who transcends yet is immanent in the world

— the·ist \-ist\ noun or adjective

Thus, a-theism would be the better translated as against the belief in the existence of one God viewed as the creative source of the human race who transcends yet is immanent in the world. Or more specifically, against the omniscient, omnipotent, AND just, creator God. As different and a scary as the idea may sound, I would argue that many people actually subscribe to this view.

How many people actually believe God "created" the bad events in our life? How many people actually believe in free will if God has a preferred outcome? Or how many people actually believe that an all powerful God would not intervene and save his faithful from genocide and destruction?

The atheistic model of God takes on many forms. Some take a Pantheistic model of God in that God is literally EVERYTHING, Some take a less drastic approach. But all reject the idea of tradition models of God as the man in the sky who is all knowing, all powerful and just, for the sheer fact that being all knowing, all powerful, and just, does not allow for God to be unconditionally loving. It's the unconditional love that is drawing people away from the traditional models of Theology.

It certainly did for me.

How can an all loving God, ever do anything that would harm that which was created? One popular answer is that God doesn't do anything. He set the laws of motion in order and they thusly play out. God doesn't intervene because to do so would actually be unjust because it would devoid man of free will. And that furthermore, God is there in the process. God is with us. When bad things happen, God's heart is the first heart to break. What I like most about this is that is doesn't conflict with science. And it still allows me to say "thank God" and "I hope to God".

Which as someone who throws those words out a lot, it's a very comforting thought!

That works. for now.

In Defense of Evangelism

2009-07-21T23:17:00.004-04:00

It's funny how Interfaith work always brings about a sudden urge to return with full force to my faith blog...

Unfortunately this time, it is not to sing the praises of Interfaith work. In fact, this time, it's to write a passive aggressive rant about something that I'm far to angry to say in person. Don't get me wrong I wholeheartedly believe in the Interfaith "movement" if you will. What I have a problem with is Interfaith hypocrites.

During my interfaith work, I often find that many people are reluctant to get involved in Interfaith work where Evangelical or Fundamentalist Christians are concerned. When it comes to these "types" of Christians, there is this unfair stereotype that Christians are really just trying to convert members of other faith traditions. Now I'm not going to deny that there is a significant number of Christians that are evangelizing and proselytizing. But my question is, why is this wrong?

Why is it wrong that someone is acting on their faith. If these Christians truly believe they have the Truth, and that Jesus Christ is the only way to save one's self from eternal separation from God where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, why are people so offended by their efforts to save your soul?!

Before you answer, here me out.

As someone who has a evangelical spirit, who truly believes in the saving power of Jesus Christ, I am thrilled when I see people preaching the Gospel on street corners. These people are living out their faith. They are taking the Great Commission to heart. How is that any different than ardently following Kosher laws or downloading compass applications and prayer alarm clocks to your iPhone to make sure you always know when and where to pray no matter where you are?

Don't worry. I get it. The those two examples don't challenge someone else faith. They don't tell someone else that they're wrong. Understandable. But why is it so easy to understand these faith practices and not those of Evangelical Christians?

The problem is, people look at this as an act of religion and not an act of faith. People see evangelism as a religious practice and not a faith practice and therefore in terms of "Interfaith" it has no part in the equation. Make no mistake about it, there is nothing religious about confronting your best friend, or someone you care deeply about, or even someone you don't know about coming to know Jesus Christ. It takes more than religious fever to ask someone if they know Christ. It takes Faith. That is a deeply, deeply faithful act. As is not eating Cheeseburgers without a valid, relevant, or real explanation as to why you shouldn't.

I understand there are flaws in the argument, but this is also coming from someone who was Proselytized for not being the type of Christian the girl thought I should be. I now realize, after hearing countless snide comments about Evangelical Christians, that instead of being polite and not saying anything, what I should have done was ask this girl "why she believes I need Jesus." I should have asked her to tell me her story. Not recount scripture, not tell me miracles. But tell me why, on a day to day basis she believe Jesus Christ is God's son and why he is called the Light of the World.

That question and the subsequent answer is what I believe is missing in a lot of interfaith dialogue. We talk about engaging the hard questions of Israel/Palestine and how members of other traditions regard out text/Prophets/beliefs and Holy Leaders, but we rarely talk about WHY we believe what we believe. Which to some extent is a hard question to answer, but I would argue that if you can't answer it, then you probably shouldn't be professing your faith at all.

So the next time you're proselytized, if you have the time, instead of snapping or brushing the street Evangelist off, ask them to tell you why Jesus Christ is LORD, without quoting scripture. They'll probably give you their testimony. Which probably allowed them to see that scripture was right. Or it could be something totally different.

Either way, there is a deeply valid claim to believing that Jesus Christ is the only way to Heaven and even if you don't agree with that, if you're going to call yourself a Religious Pluralists, you need to be comfortable enough hear that personal story, and to accept the ontology and following axiology of all personas of faith and of no-faith.

What to Make of the Biblical Canon?

2009-06-23T22:18:00.005-04:00

While being fully submerged in Early Christianity and Church History as a result of the first few chapters of my thesis, the thought keeps occurring to me,

What does it mean that bodies of sacred text are canonized?

It's hard to study church history or the early church or early Christianity(ies) or how ever you want to describe what I am currently researching without running into Councils, contentions of orthodoxy, Catholic (universal) teachings --further explanation on term will be found in the first chapter to be posted Friday, and heretical bodies of writing. Which ultimately begs the question, how were these people so fit to make the decisions they did? The answer to that question is yet another in depth thesis which I will probably explore later in life but the simple answer is, they said they were. And as time moved on, many have forgotten this very fact.

The truth is, you'd be hard pressed to find a religious text that did not go through some form of canonization. (Yes, the Qur'an is one popular exception to the rule. However, history shows earlier and different version of the Qur'an thus the reason for the "standardization" in 653 CE. See Wiki Article for quick ref.) And even with oral traditions, who's to say everything was repeated verbatim? What I'm getting at here, is how valid are these sacred texts, if humans have had a hand in deciding what's sacred and what's not?

Are texts even relevant?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not throwing the baby out with the bath water here. Just because I question the validity of a text does not mean I am questioning the usefulness of the text. Now there's an interesting thought...

During a forum at SU regarding Faith and Science, the Chaplains participating were asked the question "Would you still be a Christian if Christ was proven to not exists?" Most chaplains said yes, because the teachings of Christ are still how they govern their lives. One chaplain said no, because the reason he is a Christian is because of his belief in the life, death and Resurrection of Christ. This highlights a very interesting schism between Christians. Those who are Christian because JESUS is lord and those who are Christian because Jesus is LORD. More specifically, those who are Christian because Jesus is their Savior and those who are Christian because they govern their lives by the teachings of Jesus. There is of course those who are Christian because JESUS is LORD...

So I want to raise the similar question to the Bible. There are no doubt believers who affirm that the Bible is the WORD of God and others who believe that the Bible is the word of GOD. Specifically, strict and liberal interpreters, respectively. So if the bible is a canonized book which could thusly fail to contain some WORDS of God, how does that fair for a strict interpretation? Or if the Bible is a canonized book which could thusly be re-cannonized, how does that fair for a liberal interpretation?

I happen to walk to tight line that my first Chaplain, now interim Dean of Hendricks Chapel also walks in believing that some scripture in the Bible are require strict interpretation (i.e. 10 Commandments) and some require liberal interpretation (i.e. I don't keep myself detached from society during my "uncleanliness" period.) Which means, yeah, it does bother me that the Bible was canonized. We could be missing valuable scriptures and we could also have included uninspired scriptures. But it also gives me great hope for the future to know that since it was canonized once, it could be re-canonized again.

And when I look at the current state of the "Church" I believe a Council of Nicaea Part Deux might just be in the future of Christianity. (Of course it will be the Council of God is Love, spear headed by none other than the Runaway Theologian and myself, GET IT!)

Research Bibliography

2009-06-15T22:08:00.003-04:00

So in order to to my research paper, I'm obviously going to need an extensive reading list...

And here it is... GET EXCITED!

The Christian Theological Tradition - Catherine A Cory & David Landry
The Catholic Church Through the Age: A History - John Vidmar
History of the African Methodist Episcopal Church - Daniel Payne
Richard Allen: Religious Leader and Social Activist - Steve Klots
Mother Zion: African Methodist Episcopal Zion Church: 200 Years of Evangelism and Liberation: The Birth Story of a Denomination - George McMurry
History of the CME Church - Othal Hawthrone Lakey
History of the Episcopal Church - Robert W. Prichard
Meet the Methodists - Charles Allen
Questions and Answers about the United Methodist Church - Thomas McAnally
United Methodist Questions, United Methodist Answers - F. Belton Joyner Jr.
At Ease in Zion: A Social History of Southern Baptists - Rufus B. Spain
The Evolution of UCC Style - Randi Jones Walker
The Historical Roots of the Presbyterian Church in America - Clements and Baker
A Brief History of the Lutheran Church in America - J. L. Neve
The Pentecostal Church: A History and Popular Survey - Elmer Louis Moon
The People Called Quakers - D. Elton Trueblood
One Nation Under Gods: A History of the Mormon Church - Richard Abanes
Walking Together: Polity and Participation in Unitarian Universalists Churches - Conrad Wright
An Introduction to Mennonite History: A Popular History of the Anabaptists and the Mennonites - Cornelius J. Dyck
A People for His Name: A History of Jehovah's Witnesses and an Evaluation - Tony Willis
The Seventh Day Adventists: A History - Anne Devereaux Jordan
The Religious History of America - Gaustad and Schmidit

All books are in addition to interviews with clergy, lay people and personal visits to worship services!

GET IT

Voluntary Thesis

2009-06-15T11:51:00.005-04:00

Last week I took a Sunday off and decided that I would start my denomination search over the summer. This past weekend I spent the entirety of it laying on my back unable to move due to the intense neck spasms. While laying on my yoga mat discussing various summer projects that my friends we embarking on, something hit me. These people were doing things they enjoyed doing in school but didn't have time for. One of them converted their entire house in to a denim workshop, two are busy noveling, one is writing a symphony, and others igniting their gas burners and exploring their culinary skills. I then remembered all the things I liked to do but didn't have time for in college.

Reading and Writing.

I know, how did I not have time to read and write in college? Isn't that all you do? Well in a nut shell, yes. That is all you do. Unless you're like me and you front load the first 7 semesters of college with 19+ credits and thusly end up second semester senior year with 11 credits, none of which are actually intellectually challenging. I realized while all my friends were busying capstoning, thesising and portfolioing, I was writing BS assignments that I literally did in my sleep. (No really, the last speech I wrote, was about85% of a speech I gave in a dream). What I'm trying to say is, I missed those challenging days of college that gave me 200 more pages of reading a night than I could ever hope to complete and required me to write 5 more pages than I thought humanly possible. What can I say, I was born to be a doctoral student...

That being said. I'm writing a thesis: On Christianity in the 21st Century (working title)

This includes exploring

History of the established Christian church (Entity and Theology)
The Protestant Reformation (Entity and Theology)
The Formation of major Christian Denominations (Entity and Theology) including but not limited to

African Methodists Episcopal
African Methodists Episcopal Zion
Christian Methodist Episcopal
Episcopal
United Methodist
Southern Baptist
American Baptist
Church of Christ
United Church of Christ
Presbyterian
Roman Catholic
Non denominational/Christ-Centered Biblical Christian
Lutheran
Pentecostal
Society of Friends
Latter-Day Saints
Unitarian
Mennonite
Jehovah's Witness
Seventh Day Adventist

Commentary on the Christian Status Quo

Hmm, needless to say, I've got my work cut out for me...

Taking a Sunday off

2009-06-07T11:52:00.003-04:00

It's Sunday morning and instead of being in church, I'm at Coffee Oasis in Seabrook.

What started as just a simple conversation with my mother this morning turned in to a waking revelation. I have to admit, I was expecting this. I knew that eventually after my 4 years of college, this revelation would come. I just wasn't expecting it to come so soon.

Four years ago, I was this devout African Methodist Episcopal Christian girl who found herself suddenly smack dab in the middle of a United Church of Christ service. I wasn't sure what I'd gotten myself into. Everything seemed a bit too liberal for words yet oddly traditional. I was totally confused. 4 years later, I'm still confused. Confused as to when I became more of a UCC than an AME? Not that I am overly concerned with denominations, but it is highly unsettling not having a church "home".

My heart thoroughly enjoys the AME tradition but my mind is suffocated by it. My mind thrives and longs for the UCC tradition but my heart isn't in it. And all of this is on top of me searching for Divinity schools to apply for which will ultimately require me to establish a denomination to be ordained in. I thought I would begin my search for a denomination once I moved to California. But I don't think it's going to be that simple. I don't think it's going to be something I can do in a simple visit to a church.

So what I mean to say is, my blog just got a kick start for the summer. Rather than wandering aimlessly down a somewhat spiritual path. I'm beginning my denomination exploration.

How's that for a summer project?

Spiritual Graduation

2009-05-28T08:33:00.002-04:00

I unknowingly took a sabbatical from this blog this semester.

That's partly because my life was consumed by the events that took place at Give Me an Orchid. And partly because the major spiritual epiphanies I've had this semester are still being had, and thus my posts would have no conclusion...

I have on the other hand, come to one conclusion. Graduation. Having already hashed and rehashed my thoughts about graduation on Give Me an Orchid, this is not a reiteration of those, but rather an interesting observation of my spiritual journey through college.

For a very long time I thought I made the wrong decision when choosing to come to SU. It wasn't the school that gave me the most money (in fact I got a full ride to Oklahoma City and Oklahoma State) but it was the "best school" that gave me the most money. Ultimately, I choose "prestige" over what I thought was God's clear path for me. I made the wrong decision. How else do you explain racking up 50K in loans when you could have been PAID to go to school?

Well, I made the decision. And then I met Rev. Kelly Sprinkle, Ph.D (then Protestant Chaplain and now Interim Dean of Hendricks Chapel). I went on a pre-orientation retreat with PCM and ended up meeting some of my closes friends in College. Clearly not a wrong decision. Kelly later went on to appoint me as a Peer Minister and then instill the seed of going to Seminary when I was deeply invested in working in A&R for an independent record label. I mulled that idea over and over in my head, but it wasn't until I gave my first sermon for the Palm Sunday service 2007 that I really heard my calling.

Ever since then I taken every spiritual opportunity that's come my way. I changed my major and added a minor in religion, I went on an service trip to Botswana, I took classes in theology, studied Islam in London for a summer, and was an inaugural Interfaith Youth Core Fellow. To say I've had amazing opportunities and extensive growth would be an understatement. College truly has been a wonderful and enriching experience.

Which brings me back to graduation. After having all of these experiences, I realized graduation isn't so much the end of great experiences as it is the beginning of living those experiences. I am no longer bound by the confines of being a student. I now have carte blanche to be the woman of God I've become.

That is exciting!

and it makes up for all the depressing aspects of college graduation

Matthew 7:1

2009-02-10T00:00:00.007-05:00

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

Such a beautiful concept. in theory. in practice, well it's close to impossible.

(I know, Philippians 4:13)
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

But here's the contradiction [exception] to Matthew 7:1

(1 Corinthians 5:12-13)

For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

So, judge not, lest they be of Christ?

hmmm

interesting

I just finished reading Salvation on Sand Mountain. I had to keep repeating Matthew 7:1 over and over in my head. Without ruining the book, the faith in question is different from mine, to say the least. Yet the name of Jesus is called on. So the question then becomes, is the faith really different? One interpretation of the 1 Cor. 5: 12-13 passage is that there is but one church, one body and thusly one faith. Which would in turn translates to one definitive morality code.

Well, Paul, that's all well and good, but even in your day there was not one church. Were you not writing to Corinth to keep Corinth pure from other churches? The way I see it, I can take this two ways. One, I can believe that my church, my faith is that of Paul's. More specifically that it is one faith that has continued since the resurrection. Or, on the other hand, I can take my faith, as my faith. My belief in Jesus, my church.

From my month of Early Christianities studies, I've come to wonder just how much of this faith, that I always believed was taught by Jesus to the disciples and in turn taught by them to the world, is really the same faith. My Jesus was Jewish. We say that as a joke, but it's true. He was a Jew. Paul was a Jew (a Jew who happened to believe Jesus removed the need for keeping Torah), but a self-proclaimed Jew. The term Christian was not mentioned. Which then begs the question, when did this term Christian begin?

I am actually less concerned with the answer because I do not think chronology is going to answer the question I am really after, which is: What does it mean to be Christian?

I've said in earlier posts that at the basis, thanks to SPONG, Christianity is proclaiming Jesus as LORD and I still believe that. Christianity brought the beauty and intimacy of a relationship with God through Jesus. So how am I to judge that? How can you really be sure that this self-proclaimed believer is "immoral among you?" Are we not all sinners who fall short of the glory of God? Should we then cast out everyone but ourselves and God. Now there's a thought. One I actually support.

But what I mean to say is this: Man sees the body but God sees the heart.

I do not find my not wanting to cast out "immoral" people form the church a shirking of my faithful responsibility nor do I see rising to the defense of those who choose to worship by unpopular means (i.e. snake handling) a gesture of congruence of belief. My relationship with God, my faith tells me to love, and to love those who do.

I am mesmerised by others worshipping God. Even if it's not a part of my faith, it brings me closer to it.

The odds of me taking up a serpent, drinking strychnine or walking over hot coals are about the same as, well, nothing

but

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

The Biblical Cannon

2009-02-01T14:23:00.005-05:00

I've been doing an awful lot of blasphemous thinking as of late.

Allow me to explain. It started with discussing the popular book and movie, The Da Vinci Code. I then to read The Apocalypse of Paul and the Gospel of Thomas.

These works are blasphemous in that they clearly lie outside the Biblical Canon and thusly contain false teachings.

Honestly, the jury is still out on the DVC and I can't even begin to describe how I feel about the apocrypha. Many seem to be spot on (Justin Martyr's apologies, the aforementioned Gospel, perhaps even the Gospel of Mary) and many seem to be nutty (Gospel of Judas and pretty much every one's apocalypse).

What I find to be intriguing about these non-canonical books is just how relevant they were to their audience. I was always taught to believe that these books were lies, even possibly corruptions from Satan... and they may very well be (I'm not judging) but in reading all of these books, I couldn't help but wonder... "are all of these really wrong?"

I distinctly remember someone I very much looked up to for his faith telling me that once he got The Bible down, he'd start reading the apocrypha, but since he'll probably never "get The Bible down", the latter won't happen. I used to think this way. But now in my efforts to form my own theological standpoint, I'm pretty much grabbing for anything I can.

In fact I see a striking resemblance between many of these so called "Gnostic" texts to new age, post modern, what ever you want to call it, theology. We're these texts incredibly ahead of their time, or are we going in the incredibly wrong direction?

I have long since been intrigued by "gnosticism." And for the time being, my religious views are slightly inclined aligned with Valentinian Gnosticism

for the time being...

I need you,

2009-01-25T23:32:00.004-05:00

I need you,

I need you to tell me that you love me, I need you to tell me that I'm beautiful, I need you to tell me that you're proud of me, I need you to believe in me, I need you to hold me, I need you to pray for me, I need you to love me, I need you,

But you're not here,

I need you to give me your wisdom, Your guidance, I need you to call me darling, I need to hear your voice, I need to know that you love me, I need to know that I am yours, I need to know that you are on my side, I need you to tell me that no man will ever be good enough, I need you to tell me, I need to know that you are here for me,

But you are not here,

You're gone,

I've lost you,

I've lost everything, My rock, My shelter, My confort, My orientation, My name, My being,

I'm lost,

I keep thinking about the person I've become without you,

and I hate her,

I hate this woman,

You left and I lost the ability to love, To trust, To hope, To dream, To believe in myself, To be,

You left me,

alone

you left a 6 year old girl alone,

alone to figure out how to love, how to be storng, how to be a friend, how to believe, how want, how to be,

you left me,

and I hate that,

I hate that I cannot hate you,

I hate that I cannot get over you,

I hate that I cannot even for one second of one day forget that you are not apart of my life,

I hate that I will never know you,

I hate that I never knew you,

I hate that, I just hate,

you left, and left me with hate,

pure, self hatred,

but, you didn't leave,

you were stolen,

taken, captured, murdered,

ripped prematurely from my life,

your life ended before I even knew I had one,

your life ended before I even knew what ended,

and I am still entrenched by that,

15 years later, I'm still speechless,

15 years later, I still cannot believe you're not here

15 years later, I still feel the pain of your loss so intensely that I pray to stop being

15 years later,

I want to grow, I want to learn, I want to trust, I want to love, I want to actually be

I want to be truly storng, I want to stop pretending, I want to have deep faith, I want to have true joy, I want to hope, I want to dream, I want to believe

but everytime, every, time,

every, every, everytime I get close,

I need you,

Rationalizations and Beliefs

2009-01-21T15:00:00.004-05:00

I believe in Greater Truth.
The greater truth supersedes that of human truth. That truth has all the answers. That truth is what humans try to explain, but never can. We can only try to explain that in terms of the words we create. The word we have used to create this greater Truth is God.

I believe in God.
There has to be God. God, cannot not exist. There has to be something from which everything came. Even if creation is a “social construction” and the idea of a creator be is only in the “finite” world, there at least has to be some greater truth. Something that explains this universe. That greater truth is God.

God is the creator.
The idea of creation, may very well be something that humans created to explain their world, but nonetheless, the “reality” is that we do not always exists. We are born, we live, and we die. Thus, something has to start the process, and that process, because we cannot understand it, is started by the Greater Truth. The God is the creator.

That is the only Truth.

My rational mind, which has been interpreted by the world that has been created through rhetoric has drawn the following ontological conclusions regarding Truth.

The creator created, so he must love.
Creation requires there to be something else other than you. It requires that you give of yourself even for a short while to whatever it is that you create. Even in terms of the “selfish”, creators must love, for the must love the part of them that was given up for the creation.

Therefore, God, who is the creator, is good.

The creator loved, so he must be good. Because God created man and loved man he must be good. The sacrifice of creation that inspires love also inspires perseverance. If the creator created and therefore loved enough to create it is thusly equal that he loves enough to want the creation to preserver, to last, to exist as long as the creator has power to do so, there by making any actions the creator takes to maintaining the creation (and thereby himself) good.

The creator is good, so he must create equal.Because the creator created, and creation is love, and love makes him good, then he had to create equal. For if every creation is a part of him, it would only make sense that he love every creation equally, and if God, who is good, loves equally, than thus he created equally.

The creation is like the creator but not the creator.
Since the creation only has part of the creator, it cannot be exactly like the creator, thus the creation (humans) has the capacity to love, and be good, but is not inherently good, or inherently loves.

The creator makes a sacrifice for the creation.Because the creation cannot be good inherently, there needs to be an act done by the creator to account for the short comings of the creation to allow for the perseverance of the creation that would thus make the creator good, and demonstrate that the creator loves.

That sacrifice must be of the creator.
Because the creation cannot be good, it can thusly not provide an adequate sacrifice to atone for its shortcomings. Thus the creator has to provide the sacrifice to the creation. The sacrifice must be both of the creator and of the creation. Being of the creator allows for it to be good, and being of the creation allows for all creation to be “saved” by this perfect creation that really was in actuality the creator, that is Good and thus capable of saving.

While this doctrine has Christian undertones, it is not distinctly Christian. What this says in essence, is that. I believe in God. I believe that he created. I believe that his creation falls short of his glory. I believe that out of love he sent a sacrifice. I believe that the sacrifice must be fully God and fully man.

I don’t believe in names.
Names are a human creation to allow us to speak of the creator, of which has no name (known to the creation)

I don’t believe in documents being concrete and complete

I believe there is a word of God, and I believe that God speaks to people. But I don’t believe that word is in infallible. Not because God is fallible, but because the lens which the imperfect creation reads through is fallible. It cannot see the true beauty of the word of God and this fails. Every time. It fails when it reads, when it preaches, when it writes, when it canonizes!

New Beginnings

2009-01-06T23:41:00.002-05:00

God always works in mysterious ways. When I was asked to speak about new beginnings, I initially thought, “great, because I’m totally qualified to talk about new beginnings.” I am fastly approaching the end of my college career and about to embark on the greatest new beginning I’ve ever had, entering into the “REAL WORLD.” I say this because I am a prime example of God not calling the qualified but he is qualified to call. This message is by no means one that I am bestowing upon anyone but rather it was the very message I needed to hear from God as well.

There are any number of words that can be given on the topic of “New Beginnings”, but what stuck out about Isaiah 43:18 was the first phrase, “Forget former things.” So often in life when we are faced with a beginning, a new thing, we immediately want to compare it to the past. Will 2009 be better or worse than 2008? Will this job, this class, this leadership position, this new beginning be anything like that of the past. But right off the bat God is telling us to stop comparing the past to the present and even more importantly, the future. God’s grace is sufficient. It was sufficient in 2008 and it will be sufficient in 2009. The struggles we went through in 2008 where the struggles we needed for 2008, the blessings we received where the blessings we needed for 2008, and for 2008 alone. But 2009 is different. 2009 is better. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (JER 29:11-13)This new beginning, this new year, will be the greatest year of were life, solely because God will be with us.

But it’s not enough to forget the past, we need to focus on the future. I am constantly being reminded to “let go and let God.” It seems that every time I get overwhelmed or stressed out it is because I am trying to be in control of the situation. But like clockwork, or really, in a way that only God can do, somehow I always get the message to “Let go.” But there is a problem with letting go. If we’re not careful we can get to the point when we Let Go too much. I’m sure we’ve all heard the example given in a sermon about the man in the Hurricane? Who turned down help from a neighbor, a rescue boat, and the national guard because he thought God himself was going to personally come down and deliver him. He “Let Go” so much that he actually demanded something from the GOD. He relinquished so much of his power that he relinquished his ability to perceived blessings from the LORD. In preparing for my future, my new beginning of looking for a Job and starting my adult life, I have constantly been relinquishing all of my responsibilities regarding decision making. I am constantly saying “It’s in God’s hands”, “I gave it to God”. But what I am doing is demanding God to act in a way that I believe he should act. What I’m really saying is, “I’m too terrified to make this decision.” But you cannot tell God what to do. You cannot make up your mind and run to God after words to bless it. And you certainly cannot be afraid, because God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of POWER. I have nothing to be afraid of.

I used to think I made the wrong decision in going to Syracuse. I picked the school that I thought would give me better contacts and a better job position post grad, rather than the school that I thought would be good for my personal development. What I now see is that it doesn’t matter. Because the minute I sent my intent to register form I received a letter from the Protestant Chaplain inviting me to go on a Pre-Orientation retreat, so that I could start my college career off right with a body of believers going through the same things I’m going through. This showed me that we can’t really make a wrong decision. God has a plan for our lives, but he also gave us free will. God’s plan is not a strict rigid plan that can’t be changed. God can and does change God’s mind, and it almost always has to do with our actions. Yes, the bible says “I the LORD your God do not change” (Malachi 3:6) But it also says that he is just and merciful. If God was not merciful there would be no Book of Psalms. God can and does make plans for our life, but those plans can and do change when our hearts do change. No matter how far we stray from the things he’s calling use to do, he will always be there to pull us back. He sent Jonah to pull Nineveh back. He sent many prophets to pull Israel back. He sent his son Jesus Christ to pull us back. We cannot miss our blessing. We can delay it and we might even be able to change it the wrapping it comes in, but we cannot miss it. The Alpha and the Omega walks before us, with us, and after us all at the same time. And he blesses us accordingly.

Which means, we have to make a decision. We cannot simply give it to God. God gave us a mind that we can use it. But in order to make that decision, God needs to be in the mix. We have to be in constant communication with God when new beginnings arise. We need to be in prayer, fasting, meditating on the word. But we also need to be open to allow God to speak to us. God speak to us through everyone and everything. We are called a body of Christ because we are all important, we cannot make decisions without consulting our body. Use our family, our pastor, our brothers in sisters in Christ. God can and does speak through everyone. Before we need to not only weigh options and be in prayer but we need to make sure we’ve given God every opportunity to speak, to answer.

And the thing about God’s answer, is that it is almost, more often than not, the answer we never imagined. I am constantly reminded that God’s answer, God’s plan for your life, for my life, is not always easy, and it is not always safe, but it is Good, and it is Right. God’s plan for Nehemiah wasn’t easy. God’s plan for Ester wasn’t easy. But it was Good, and it what right. But what’s more important is that God’s answer is rewarding, meaningful and life changing.

Finally, once we’ve forgotten the former things, conquered our fears or failure, sought out God’s advice and made a decision, we will be blessed. And that blessing will be greater than anything we could have dreamed of for ourselves. New beginnings are opportunities for growth. Beginnings allow us to reconnect with God, restructure our lives and embark on the next journey that God has for us The real world will certainly be a new beginning for me but I am faithful that it will amazing, not because of anything I do, but because I know God is the center of my life and he can do nothing short of amazing.

So I’ll leave you, not with THE word of God, but with a word God spoken to Marianne Williamson...“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are we not to be? We are a child of God. You playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

inspired by: Isaiah 43:18-19A

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?" (NIV)

Post Grad

2008-12-23T13:12:00.000-05:00

There’s nothing like a good break from school to make you realize that you are totally NOT ready to graduate! Okay. I know. The last 5 post have been about not being ready to graduate, but what can I say, I’m NOT!

Alright. Fine. That’s enough.
I’m going to do something about it…

So here’s the real reason that I’m not ready to graduate…
I’m not ready to graduate because I’m have no idea what to do next.

I know I want to go to Seminary. I know I will go to seminary. I know God wants me to go to Seminary, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do in between that. Is it stupid for me to take time off. Is this time that I’m taking off really beneficial. I mean let’s be honest here. If I get a job, how much of my “free” time will be devoted to preparing myself for Seminary? Isn’t there a good chance that I will just get into the work groove and forget that I want to go to Seminary and then two years later realize that I haven’t done anything to prepare?

Which brings me to the other point… what do I need to do to “prepare?” What is keeping me from going to Seminary now?

Well...

If I take another exam I’m probably going to spontaneously combust into the exploded contents of a stress ball

The very idea of actually studying and taking notes makes me soo exhausted I don’t even have the energy adequately to describe how much that thought drains out of me

I don’t personally feel like I am spiritually ready to for the Rev.

It’s this last one that is the REAL reason why I’m not ready for Seminary. So what do I think I need to do to GET ready?

Since I really like lists, here goes the list of things I must accomplish to feel adequately ready for Seminary.

1. Run away with God - in his creation with nothing but my sword

2. Create my own go to lists for his Word. No more of this concordance stuff

3. ANNOTATE the Bible (never thought that English lit analysis would come in handy but hey…)

4. A la Professor. Watts, do a Lit analysis of all chapters

5. Live Biblically (for an extended period of time)

a. Which then requires that I dictate what that means for myself

b. And finish The Year of Living Biblically

6. Visit other denominations

7. Mission Statement and Articles of Faith

I’m sure there are more but I like that this list has 7 items! Okay so now I have a “plan”. What I need now is a timeline… how long should it take me to accomplish said tasks? I believe 2-4 can be done together… 1 book a week… so, that’s obviously OVER a year… I can combine 1 and 5 during Sukkoth next year (HOT). Which leaves 6 and 7. 7 will obviously be last/part of my application process. 6 will just have to take place on its own. Perhaps I can go a different denomination a month…

Catholic

Presbyterian

Lutheran

Episcopal

Methodist

UCC, UM

Baptist

Morman

Non-Denominational

Evangelical

So this leaves approximately 2 years of “preparation work”. Okay. That I can do. That is a plan. This is THE plan.

“GET IT!”

How Dare You?!

2008-09-02T01:40:00.006-04:00

There are very few things that actually infuriate me.

In fact, there's only one.

and seeing as how I've chosen this blog to announce it,
you can guess that it has something to do with faith.

Hell might hath no fury like a woman scorned,
but my faith doubted, diminished or denied is a close second.

I will be the first one to admit that my theology, interpretations and even beliefs
might not toe the line of traditional evangelical Christianity,
or even (at times) theistic theology

but it is real.
whether you believe it or not
whether you acknowledge it or not
whether you agree with it or not
whether you understand it or not

Sure, over the past year I have made very deep spiritual decisions
incorporated more mysticism into my faith
and studied and indulged in other traditions
but my core has not wavered,
and not matter how far I travel
it never will

I have been confronted by more than one "believer"
about my interfaith efforts

I have been told that they, deny Christ
weaken the faith
belittle the faith
are antithetical to the gospel
and are not suitable for Christians.

Now, I've read the bible, over and over
but the notion of do unto others
never sunk in until I engaged in interfaith work

I realized now that faith is personal,
and unless I know the person and roots behind it
I have no grounds to comment
Rather than doubting, beseeching others to change, or asserting my beliefs,
I ask, I engage, I (in the words of the IFYC) learn their story

and more often than not, I learn something

So,

INSHALLAH,
I will preach the Gospel
I will be a light in a dark world
I will do justly, love Merry, walk humbly
I will be a bringer of Peace
and the world,
not just Christians and not just Americans,
will know of the goodness of the Messiah through my actions
not just my words,
IN JESUS' NAME I PRAY,
Amen

Who am I?

2008-08-11T00:29:00.005-04:00

This summer has been an emotional hurricane.
I have never been on my knees more,
not in prayer,
but in tears.

tears so painful and so real,
I couldn't even pray.
tears so excruciatingly heartbreaking,
I couldn't even move.
tears, so soul destroying, so faithless, so confused, lost, scared and painful,
I could not even breathe.

The source of the tears is irrelevant.
or rather,
I cannot bring myself to allow my mind to think of them anymore.

Last night, after I was literally peeled off of the floor,
I just laid.
num.
starring.
so, so broken.

And I kept thinking.
I want to hurt God.
Really hurt God.
I want to hurt him, the way he hurt me.
I wanted to do something so painful,
he would remember it forever.
Something so that,
even when all the world seems to be having fun,
when he himself, was enjoying life,
just the slightest reminder
can send him falling to his knees,
screaming
crying,
actually BREAKING
uncontrollably.
contemplating death,
but being to BROKEN to actually do anything about it

and I thought,
the only thing I can do,
that would even come close to that,
is to deny him

So I did.
Or, I tried.

But I could not.

Because even when I was so angry.
So hurt.
Even when I had a plan.

That tiny part of my soul,
so tiny that I could no longer hear, or feel it.
So faint I could comprehend it,
was the only piece of me that was keeping me alive
that piece, still loved God.

and I hated, that piece.
I wanted to cut it out, and destroy it.

HOW CAN YOU STILL LOVE THIS GOD?

I don't know.
but I do.

I do because if I don't,
then, I. don't.
If I do not love God,
I cannot live.
There is no purpose,
there is nothing.

God has always been there, and I have always loved.
but now I know, I always will.

The silver lining, in all of this
shit

is that my faith was tested.
it has been tested,
and it passed.
and always will.

and it will always,
because it is not about theology
it is not about scripture
and now I realize, it is no longer about a feeling

my faith, is me.
It isn't something I have, it is who I am.
I cannot lose it, I cannot create it
I can only live it.

I might not always be true to it,
I might not always understand it,
I might not always like or want it.

but it is me.
I am faith

I really cannot tell you why I am a Christian.
but I can tell you that I am

and it is high time I started being who I actually am.

Lattes, Lovedon and Conversations with God

2008-07-06T07:54:00.005-04:00

If you asked me 4 months ago, if I would ever look to Neale Donald Walsch for spiritual rejuvenation, I would have laughed uncontrollably.

Flash forward, to an summer away from home,
constant traveling
and intense immersion in another faith
and here I am
comforted,
consoled,
and encouraged by
Walsch.

My summer reading has turned from novels and classics
to Theology.
and fittingly so, actually.

While I'm not yet done with Walsch's first book,
Conversations with God, book one

I can't help but wonder... How much of my faith is based on the traditional model of Theology?

Walsch, definitely breaks the traditional Christian theological mode
he de-personifies God,
implies a Big Bang model of creation
and even hints at reincarnation

wait,
this is Christianity?
yeah, it is actually.

What's scary is that, none of this is shocking.
More importantly, it almost, makes sense

does that mean that I agree with him?
eh, some things I feel are a stretch,
but it hints at the story I feel God is telling me this summer...

I don't have the answers.
No one does.

Profound, right?

Allow me to expand on that.
I can spend, we can spend, all our life looking for answers. And I will, we will. I have, and we have. But the truth is, it's not about the answers, it's about the search. I'll be honest. There are certain notions about Christianity I am hesitant to accept. I can search for historical of mystical reasons for them, or against them, but the truth is, it doesn't matter. I doesn't mean I'm watering down my faith, theology, Jesus or the religion. Or maybe it does. And if the latter is the case, I'm okay with that.

I'm okay with that, because what this summer is showing me,
is that my heart is so much bigger than my head.
My heart has knowledge my mind cannot even begin to comprehend.
My heart, is also stronger than my mind.

Theology is of the mind
faith is of the heart.

My theology might not make sense. It might not line up with biblical structures. It might not even translate out of my mind to the minds of others.

My faith might not make sense. It might not line up with biblical structures. It might not even translate out of my heart to the hearts of others.
but, the beauty of faith is that, it is personal.

The only translation it needs is from my heart, to my God.
and by God.

if my faith does nothing else.
That is does.

My Love

2008-06-18T06:31:00.004-04:00

I love as a child
innocent and naive
cognitively immature
constantly questioning
yet never comprehending
I cannot
Your presence, your love, your face is all I've known
You are the constant beyond all constants
simplistically concrete

I love as an adolescent
constantly chasing after you
whole-hearted and lustfully
the source of my desires,
I long to be found in you alone
my actions are empty
my knowledge is shallow
exciting, new, fragile

I love as the young adult
tried yet true
excited for the future
ready to give everything
searching for your fire to feel complete
I need you to fulfill my life

I love as the seasoned
jaded and torn
skeptical of truth
tired and worn
I come to you for peace
Envy twinges my heart
I am scared
full of doubt
yet still I hold on to the last thread of hope

I love as the bride
thankful and at peace
glowing in love
I am shroud in your beauty
optimistic
consumed in love

I love as the lover
passionate and strong
unbridled and uncompromising
selfish
governed purely by desire
desperate for your touch
Parched when not in your presence
defined by you

I love as I love
faulted and incomparable
skeptical and constant
painful and real
thankful and in awe

My love is not a Psalm
a sonnet
nor any other poem
it is not desirable
by any means
but it is real
and because of that

My love is beautiful

Story of a Girl

2008-05-30T19:12:00.005-04:00

Anyone that's gone to college, or known someone who has gone has heard this story:

It's the story of the devote whatever.
She
(cause the story is always much more dramatic when it's a girl, for reason which I will talk about later)
was raised in a whatever home, in fact, her dad was head of whatever place of worship. All her life she had been a avid, passionate, honest, pure, devoted follower. She vows to save herself for marriage and wait for that "good whatever guy" to ask her father if he can date her, because he has already expressed interest in settling down and starting a family. Unfortunately the girl goes to college. Here she is thrown way out of her comfort zone and in a period of confusion, gets throw in to a fiery hell pit that is American Universities and somewhere around midterm starts boozing it up, smoking the Wacky Backy, performing sexual acts even the Almighty hasn't thought of, wearing clothing better suited for her little sister, and putting sailors everywhere to shame. She eventually mellows out, graduates, works, and begins to settle down. Here she finally has to come to grips with the "secular" world she has just encountered.

no longer chaste,
possesser of the magic amount of elixer her body can handel,
with a knowledge base and a vocabulary that contains thoughts of the absence of divine

how is she to adjust?
how is she to once again go on being the "Good devote, whatever"

Is her testimony no invalid because of her corruption?
Is she worng in wanting keep her worldy views?
What about her new wordrobe?

Is this a product of the immoral nature the world has taken?
Was her faith not strong enough?
Did she turn away from the divine?

What does her story say about her?
about her faith?
about her religion?

Matthew 7:1-5

Only GOD can judge her

3 Years Down, One to Go

2008-05-04T20:38:00.002-04:00

This will probably be one of the only posts that isn't
somewhat poetic,
vertically written,
and well thought out...
mostly because, I'm actually writing from my heart
and not censoring myself....

I cannot believe my Junior year of college is almost over.
Soo many things are rushing through my head right now.
I need to pack, STUDY, write a paper, STUDY, say goodbyes, PACK
STUDY. STUDY. STUDY.

But what am I doing? I'm blogging?
Why, because I cannot get on Facebook.
Yeah, May is the Facebook fast and let me tell you,
as soon as I get out of Syracuse, this fast is gonna be really good.
I'm already yearning for it and trying to replace my fast with other things
(thus the blog)
But really, here's the deal.

I'm done with my Junior YEAR!
Yeah, it was rough.
if by rough I mean brutally awful, harsh, trying, challenging, heartbreaking and terrible.
which I do.
I'm just glad that it is behind me.
I can only go up from here, and up I will go.

This year I have lots of friends graduating and I cannot even begin to think about how much I'm going to miss them, or how in a few months I will have to fill their shoes...
What keeps looming over my shoulder, preemptively I might add
is the fact that in one year, one short year
I will be in their shoes.
I'm starting to realize why no one wants to talk about graduation.
The thought of leaving all this behind takes my breath away, and not in a good way.
So, the overwhelming question that I have is,

am I really ready for senior year?

I know I'm ready to be taking virtually no classes, traveling, conferencing, leading, and having one too many a crazy night with my bests,
but am I ready to have next year be my LAST year in Syracuse?

I know no one is ever really ready, but am i supposed to feel this way?

To all my junior friends out there, think about it.
This is the beginning of the END of our LAST carefree college years?
Did I miss something?

When did I reach the point when I ACTUALLY have to start making REAL life decisions?
Job/Seminary/Grad School?
Paying off loans?
Finding a place to live?
Dating with the intent of marriage?
When did I grow up?

On second thought, I think I am ready...
Driving home from Senior Sendoff today, I told Anthony that next year I want to replace all my "Favorite APO Moments" with new ones

Maybe that's the key to moving on and growing up.
rather than focusing on what I'm going to lose,
I should focus on what I'm going to gain.

It will be pretty hard to top my favorite APO moments,
as well has HCC, PCM, MOL, and NRHH
not to mention the times I spent outside of said organizations with my bests,

but, here's the thing.
It will happen.

and
Mr. Douglass,
Ms. Bourdon,
Ms. Manikowski,
Ms. Riley,
Mr. Selle,
Mr. Loliger-Myers,
Mr. Pasternack,
Mr. Chen,
Ms. Drake
Mr. Kleehammer,
Ms. Abbi,
Mr. Highland,
Ms. Collier,
Mr. Fatta,
Ms. Willingham,
Mr. Lilly,
Mr. Graham,
and
Ms. DeSisto

if it does not happen, I'm holding you personally responsible.
(no pressure!)

Something About the Name Jesus

2008-03-23T20:39:00.003-04:00

In honor of Resurrection Sunday,
I thought it would be fitting to blog about the most intimate of intimate
It's not a theological question (finally, and thank, well, GOD)
it's personal
and sweet
and beautiful
and most importantly,
it's mine.

This intimate of intimate is my Testimony
my story
my journey
my discovery of the Christ
my acceptance of his Salvation
in essence, the birth of me.

I used to think that my testimony needed to be this long drawn out story
something dramatic
life shattering
shocking

but it's not
and yet
is so is.

I grew up in the church. I grew up always knowing about God
and this man named Jesus who died for my sins
I grew up knowing that God orchestrated life according to his divine plan
but most importantly, I grew up knowing that this God was so so, SO good.

I also grew up with sickness
death
heartbreak
loss
physical and mental abuse
discrimination
hatred
divorce
death

I in no means have had a rough life,
but I will argue with great fervor that the death of a parent
at6 years old
is something can taint even the most blessed and prosperous life

What is interesting, is that through all this pain
I never doubted God.
Oh, I have had my doubts
I have done my fair share of cursing God
but even through this doubt,
even with my mind and heart could no longer believe
my soul did

My testimony isn't about realizing my sin
coming out of darkness
or
changing my evil ways

My testimony is not a about specific encounter with God
but rather about the lack there of
My testimony is about this feeling in the core of my being
a feeling that has always been there
that never wavers of falters
this feeling, is God
It makes me smile, cry, dance, sing, shout, SING
this feeling is the connection to everything that is good
to everything that is love
beautiful
pure
wonderful
holy
and when I read about, learn about, witness or experience
stories, narrative, religions about God
it's this feeling that tells me what's right
this feeling led me to Jesus
it's that simple

"...blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (John 20:29)

I Need to Breathe

2008-03-20T00:34:00.001-04:00

I have a confession to make.
Something that I need to get off my chest.
It is something that can no longer remain "in the closet", if you will.

I just got through screening "For the Bible Tells me So".
It's a film about LGBT children born to heterosexual, CHRISTIAN parents.

The film, is the film.
I think it is necessary, and powerful.
I will let those of you who are so inclined to Net Flicks it, rent it, or, perhaps buy the DVD to formulate your own opinion.

For me, though, the film brought up this issue that I have been contemplating for some time now.

Is Homosexuality a sin?
Does the bible condemn homosexuals?
Are gays going to hell?
How can you form a relationship with someone who chooses to "sin"?
the list goes on and on.

Any discussion about the aforementioned ultimately becomes a battle of exegesis, interpretation, hermeneutics, Truth, truth, fundamentalism, ontology, epistemology, politics, science and, but not limited to, punctuation.

I have a problem with all of these battles.
for me, none of them resonate.

As I write tears are streaming down my face and possibly damaging my keyboard.
They are tears of love, joy, confusion, hope, unease, belief, pain but most importantly, faith.

My tears are for the world I live in.
it is a world that does not think the way I do.
It a world that does not think with its heart.
It is a world, that has done more damage than good.
A world that will quite possibly shun me for my statements and beliefs.
A world that might not be ready for the change that I believe is necessary.

I cannot believe that the bible is the word of God, written verbatim, without socio-cultural influences.
I cannot believe that the bible should be taken literally.

I cannot believe this, because I have seen what happens when these beliefs hold true, and when literalism is exercised

but most importantly, I cannot believe this
because I feel God
and I feel love
in my heart

my heart that cannot articulate in any logical form of fashion
what it feels

An amazing gay man from a small town in Texas has taken my breath away

A beautiful half Arabic Muslim woman has captured my heart and personifies love

A striking Long Island Hindu woman inspires me to live a life of service to others

And I owe my discovery of my calling to an openly gay chaplain who has taught me more about my spirituality than I could have ever hoped to imagine

the love I have for these people surpasses all
I know that these people were placed in my life for a reason

I cannot
will not
and do not

serve a God
or believe in a religion

that would condemn these people,
whom I love
to a life of eternal separation from God.

I do not think this makes me any less a Christian
nor do I think it makes me a "believer in exile"
I do not think this means that I am unfit, or not called to preach

I now know that I will spend my lifetime studying, thinking, writing, preaching and explaining this

but for now I settle for this

God is Love, and Love is patient, Love is kind.
it does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
it is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

Isn't All Faith Anyways Right?

2008-03-16T01:24:00.006-04:00

I just finished reading a book called Why Christianity Must Change or Die by John Shelby Spong.
rather than summarizing the entire book, here's a quick synopsis of the Wiki article about him...

Christian liberalist love him, fundamentalists liken him to the anti-Christ.
Let me just say,
there's nothing like the extreme to make you realize where you stand.

I'd say on the Christianity pendulum I'm definitely left of center but right of left.

left center right
ME

That is, assuming that right is hard, strict, literal, verbatim, non-allegorical interpretations
and left is, well, SPONG

I'm starting to think that, my calling, is similar to that of Spong's.
He believes that he is a believer in exile,
one that cannot believe in the traditional theistic view of God given the modern world we live in.
Thus, he believes Christianity needs to take a drastic change or it will die off.

I do think Christianity needs to change,
drastically.
but I don't think it would die off.
For me, to say that Christianity will die if it does not change
is to say that God is incapable of surpassing human comprehension.
Correct me if I'm wrong,
but isn't the very essence of God beyond human comprehension?

Spong's message does raise an interesting question that I've been grappling with for a while now:

"Does God define Christianity, or Does Christianty define God?"

Think about it. It's deep.
If God defines Christianity, then Christianity is the absolute, it is God.
If Christianity defines God then nothing is absolute.

I'm inclined to believe the latter.
as would Spong.

God for me, is so ineffable that there is no way that one religion, capable of being understood, practiced, believed, and relevant to humans, can ever express the true nature of God.
Dangerous for a AME to believe.
Oh, you bet.

Isn't all faith anyways right?

But here's the catch.
Yes, one religion cannot define God completely in my eyes.

Spong grounds himself in Christianity by the simplest notion of
Jesus is Lord
for Spong, despite his atheistic model of God, and destruction of Jesus as the Savior from Sin
Jesus is still the Lord of his life, for he believes Jesus' life told us how to live, and connect with God.

I ground myself in Christianity by the notion of Creation, Imperfection, Sacrifice, and Salvation.
After much deliberation with Spong's book I realized

There has to be a creator that orchestrates life
to what degree is irrelevant
Humans cannot be perfect
if they were perfect, there would be no hurt pain, destruction
in fact,
if one human could be PERFECT,
there only only be one
there are many humans but one God
God's sacrifice for the imperfections of Humans
isn't about him not being able to be around imperfection
it is out of love,
For God so LOVED the world that he gave his only son
not For God so wanted to be NEAR the world that he gave his son
and finally
there has to be a salvation that is both perfect in that it came from God,
but imperfect so that man could understand it.

That's a bare bones, structural view of Christianity.
and religion for that matter.

From what I've learned about religions
they almost all fit this structure

But you're a Christian, right?
so how do you get to Jesus?

again,
that's the beauty of Christianty.
I get to Jesus by faith.
Not by the bible.
but by faith,
faith in a God that is Love.
and faith in a man that exists that proclaimed this very message.
My life is about striving to be like that man.
He is how I come to know God.
If it turns out that he's not the savior the old testament talks about,
I'll run that risk.
because for me,
like Spong,
Jesus is Lord.

and that's all I really need to know.
everything else is just fluff

Year of the Fast: Update!

2008-02-25T19:49:00.002-05:00

As predicted, life got crazy really fast.
and paired with Vino (now renamed Vince) the VAIO being under repair for two months
I have thusly, not updated.

As a recap.

January - The Sugar Fast
was
amazing.
I never realized how much Sugar was a part of my daily, life
and by eliminating it and focusing on God, it truly brought me so much closer with him!

February - Television
not
so
amazing.
I've come to the conclusion, that this is more of a inconvenience than an actual fast.
Sugar, was a fast.
By eliminating it, it allowed me to focus on my walk with my God.
I'm not addicted to Sugar, but it is apart of my daily life.

TV, not so much.
In fact the only time I realize that I'm missing it, is when someone tells me I'm missing it.
Thus, nice try, but if I need a spiritual break through in the future, I will NOT be going on a TV fast.

Having said that,

I am changing my fast for March

No Meat March.
Meat, is a part of my daily life.
and by eliminating it,
it will cause me to focus on my God
(especially when i go back to watching TV, and seeing commercials of Cheeseburgers!)

So
Be excited.
I know God will MOVE!

and now that Vince is back to me!
I can document better!

--
C. Nik

(PS: Formal Thank You letters will be going out this week, but to those friends and family that are reading my blog, that donated, are donating, prayed and are praying to/for my mission trip to Africa, THANK YOU! SHUKRAN! GOD BE PRAISED! ALHAMDULILLAH!)

The Danger of Education

2008-01-28T23:40:00.000-05:00

While I'm sure this post is preemptive in that at the end of the semester my thoughts will most certainly change, it still should be pointed out that, for religious people, education is dangerous.

For me,
Religion.
The Existence of God.
Christ.
Creation.
The bible.

have always been,
untouchable.
perfect.
divine.
true.
nonnegotiable.
end.

Flash forward to Junior Year of College and
Religion is a tool, a danger, a power.
God is a question.
Christ is just a man.
Creation is a theory.
and The Bible . . . to be blunt, is a "crock of----"

Is that really what I'm learning?
am I really learning to question everything I have held true about my religion?
my God?
My Salvation?

Yes.
and
Yes.
and.
YES.

In college's efforts to get me to think critically, I have in turn began to think critically of God.
is this dangerous.
Hell. Yes.

But the beauty.
the true beauty of God.
of his TRUTH.
and of my faith.
is that it is not based on a religion.

you can dismiss the bible,
dismiss Christ
and dismiss religion all together.

and I would still,
by definition, practice and faith,
be a Christian.

My faith,
which I am only now fully understanding.
Is based on nothing but a relationship and a feeling.

I feel God.
and the relationship I have with him, leads me to have faith in Christ.
In a word where logic prevails,
I am in the process of expressing this in "logic"
but that's what I love about my faith.

the beauty
truth
and heart of my faith

is that
no matter what you say
no matter what theory you use
no matter what "knowledge" you bestow upon me
no matter what you disprove.

Nothing can touch the FEELING that I have when I call on God in the name of Christ in my hour of darkness and he, because I am his, and have a relationship with him, answers.

Religion is Destructible
Relationships are Not.

Christianity is about a relationship with Christ.
the Religion only attempts to describe it.

I Love Pink/I Dislike PiNK

2008-01-24T16:09:00.001-05:00

Gotta love Poetical Debates.
This occurred on the Fbook, but I think it's relevant to the content of the blog!
The first is written by a dear friend and the latter is my response.

I Love pink.

I love pink
I love hollister
I love juicy
I love Abercrombie
I love fitch
I love American eagle
But I definitely love pink

I love how that you love me staring
I love how want me to look
You love the way it makes you feel, the eyes
Burning a hole through your prized possession.

You desire for me to just drool in the sweaty anticipation, the steamy exhilaration, that animalistic sexual frustration,

I love how you want me to grow as person. You want me to expand beyond the outer shell that I call clothing. You aim to push me beyond all possible boundaries. Where my fingers ache, and my heart accelerates. You can’t wait for me to grow to a full salute, where you have my complete… (ahem) attention.

You want me to see myself in you. You want to know that your craziest fantasies with me as your conquering hero are about to come true.

That IS how you feel right?
I mean, you are wearing that stuff to draw attention to yourself? Right?
You WANT me to look, its not like you see it.
You WANT me to think, jui—cy jui--- cy
Holl—ister Holl—ister

You want to walk by me and hear my thoughts go piiiiink

That’s what you want, and don’t sit there and lie to me.
I mean, tell me

Tell me that you want me to respect you, tell me that you want me to be attracted to the beauty of your mind and not the curve of your body. Tell me that you want me to love your smile. Tell me that you me to get lost in the aroma of your laugh.
Tell me that you are the best thing that ever happened to me.
Tell me that you want to spend all night at the coffee pot bundled up in a scarf, an earl grey, and a big lumpy cozy couch. And talk to me, just talk. And fill my mind with wonderment, fill my heart with desire for completion, touch my soul with compassion and caress my eyes with yours.
Tell me that your prized possession is what is in between your ears and not between your legs.

Invite me,
Invite me in the deepest darkest chasms of your being, invite me to merely glimpse at the tip of the iceberg that is you. Invite me to share in the splendor of your laugh. Invite me to fall for your spirit. Invite me to be your knight in shining armor. Invite me to be your prince charming. Invite me to hold to key to your heart. Invite me to Be a better man just by standing next to your. Invite me to the library to study your mind. Invite me to be amazed at your character. Invite me to come with you to places only our minds can go.
Invite me to journey through time, over hills and mountains, across plains and prairies, all through your eyes.

Remind me,
Remind me that best things in life are the one’s that we have to work to achieve. Remind me that you are more valuable than any diamond. Remind me that you are a queen waiting for her King. Remind me that Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Remind me that true Love never fails.
Remind me that a real man Will always adore the worth of a real woman.

Scare me

Scare me into believing that only the most impossible dreams can come true
Scare me with your charming spirit. Scare me into knowing that you ARE worth it.
Scare me with your unmatchable intellect. Scare me into feeling like I am not worthy to even be in your presence. Scare me from ever thing that women were just objects for my enjoyment.
Scare me with the Love of a real Woman.
Scare me with your poise under life’s pressure. Scare me with your REAL beauty

Dare me

Dare me to break the chains of all other trifling, no-good, shallow, immature, pathetic, disgusting, pubescent, whiny, little boys that you have been plagued with. Dare me to push beyond what is on the outside, and get into your spiritual core. Dare me to go where no one has ever gone before. Dare me to Climb to your peak of excellence. Dare me to be your hero. Dare me to break all bounds, stereotypes, and expectations. Dare me to get to know the real you. Dare me to Silence all the Haters of true beauty. Dare me to chase you into the ecstasy of true love. Dare me to triumph when others have failed. Dare me to get on YOUR level. Dare me to not move. Dare me to be quiet and still in your wake. Dare me to stop time just so that I could have this moment last forever. Dare me to fight through any obstacle in my way. Dare me to take you to a place you have never been. Dare me to elevate you when you are down. Dare me to take delight in never seeing you frown. Dare me to help you heal from the scars left behind from you past. Dare me to let you know that true love is the one thing that can really last. Dare me to fall in love with you every morning. Dare me to run to you when times are trying. Dare me to be better Man than I could ever be. Dare me to be me.

Wait…
You aren’t
You aren’t saying that at all

You are telling me to look, to gaze, to be amazed by how you body fills up those sweats.
You want me to think about how juicy you are, what the rainbow taste like.

So yeah, I love pink

I Dislike PiNK

I dislike PiNK
I loathe Hollister
I an appalled by Juicy
I have an aversion to Abercrombie and
I abhor fitch
I detest American Eagle
I REALLY dislike PiNK.

Real Women Wear Couture
Couture is avant-garde
Couture is unique
Couture is beautiful
Couture is classy
Couture is me
I love Couture.

You say you love, but really, you lust
Lust is what you hate. Lust is what makes you fall
Lust is what you speak so poetically about and confuse with love.

Lust is your problem. It is not mine.
Lust is why you stare at my Juicy sweats and drool over my PINK thong
Lust is why you have animalistic sexual frustration
Lust is why you stand at attention
Lust is why your eyes burn a hole through my prized possession.
Don’t confuse love with lust.
Lust is your problem. It is not mine.

Love is why you want the key to my heart
Love is why you want to get lost in my eyes
Love is why your soul only feels compete when it meets mine
Love is why you’d rather worship with me than sleep with me
Love is why you want time to stand still
Love is what you search for
Love is what you yearn for
Love is what you need
Love however, is not what you want.

You stare at my chest
you can’t want love
You slap my ass
you can’t know love
You undress me with your eyes
you can’t be ready for love
You make innuendos out of my words
you can’t see love
You blame me
you can’t have love

I know about modesty but I also know that my;
short skirt, stilettos, push up bras, backless shirts, low cut v-necks, leggings, fishnets, thigh highs, thongs, garter belts, lace, satin, teddies, chemises, babydolls, corsets, tube tops, booty shorts, hot paints, skinny jeans and tight dresses are your problem not mine.

They make me feel sexy
They make me feel beautiful
They make me feel strong
They make me feel powerful
They make me, me

Do I want you to look?
Of course!

I want you to look because if you don’t you will not see me.
I want you to look because you look at others
I want you to look because you view me as an object to possess
I want you to look because the society that you created and oppressed me from believes that my role subordinate to yours
I want you to look because the society that you still control believe that my body sells
I want you to look because even today in 2008,
when I can ask you to hold my purse and no one bats an eye
the moment I get down on one knee and pull out a light blue box with white ribbon
all eyes are suddenly on and judging me.
I want you to LOOK because if you don’t I will go back to being a family burden
Something that needs to be passed off to someone else
I want you to LOOK because if you don’t you will go back to paying my father for my affection

I don’t want you to look,
But I have no choice but to let you.

That is the truth and don’t sit there and lie to me.
I don’t want to tell you.

I shouldn’t have to tell you.
I shouldn’t have to invite you.
I shouldn’t have to remind you.
I shouldn’t have to scare you.
I should have to dare you.

You should, tell yourself.

Tell yourself,
To respect me, that I have a mind. That my voice is perfection. That my laughter is your best medicine. That just being with me is better than actually being with me. That my most prized possession isn’t what’s in my head or between my legs, but tucked deep inside my heart. That my most prized possession doesn’t belong to be and I can never belong to you. That my most prized possession is my faith. And that faith is unyielding, true, genuine, and real. That that faith is what drew you to me.

Remind yourself,
That my heart, the heart that you sought after, was so hidden in Christ that you had to ask him to allow you to find it. Remind yourself that you are a man of God. That you are faulty just as I am. That grinding is for sex and not dancing. Remind yourself, that ladies night at the clubs is a symbol of male dominance and not a cheap date for you. Remind yourself that its better to buy me a rose than to buy me a drink. Remind yourself of the examples of love that are placed in your life. Remind yourself that we are both royalty in the Kings army.

Invite yourself,
To a personal relationship with Christ. To the deepest darkest chasms of your own being. To the place that only you can go. Invite yourself to seek after God’s heart. Invite yourself to be a better man, not for me but for HIM. Invite yourself to your own wedding with Christ. Invite yourself to worship. Invite yourself to fasting. Invite yourself to prayer. Invite yourself to contemplation. Invite yourself to discover who God is calling you to be.

Scare yourself,
With the wisdom that you possess, with the prayers you pray, with the words God uses you to deliver. Scare yourself into believe that YOU are worth it. Scare yourself with self love. Scare yourself with a dream, a dream that doesn’t involve me. A Dream where I a obsolete. A dream where you are at peace. A Dream were you are complete. A dream that is perfect, and doesn’t include me. Scare yourself with how much Christ fill the void that I once did. Scare you self with the realization that you are no longer searching for me. Scare yourself with the way you allow God to use you. Scare yourself with how you are so in sync with God that through looking at him you find me. Scare yourself by living with that thought. Scare yourself by knowing Christ’s love through loving me.

Dare yourself,
To be single. To be happy with being single. To want to be single. To seek after Christ and not me. To save sex for marriage. To ask God to show you what it’s like to NEED him. To forget me. To forget that I exists. To forget that you once loved me. To love Christ. To REALLY love Christ. To REALLY LOVE that you LOVE Christ. To seek first the kingdom of God. To forget about the flesh. To admire my short skirt. To know that my short skirt is the result of my NOT eating chocolate every time I want to, multiple hours at the gym and countless yoga sessions. Dare yourself to know that my body, whether I show it or not, is my temple of God. Dare yourself to see it that way. Dare yourself to look beyond my body. Dare yourself to fight to change society so that my body doesn’t always equate to sex. Dare yourself to fight to change the minds of others like you. Dare yourself to love my heart, my mind, my soul and my body.

You ask what I want
In truth, I don’t know
I do, however, know what I don’t want.

I don’t want to tell you what I want,
(I want our connection to be so intense and God centered that you ask him what I want)
I don’t want you to only want my body
(I want you to want no other body because ours fit perfectly)
I don’t want you to shower me with gifts
(I want you to want to express your love in a way the models the way God ordained our love to be)
I don’t want you to love PiNK
(I want you to love that PiNK make me feel sexy)
I don’t want you to love PiNK
(I want you to love the society which you, who holds all the power, create that allows me to wear PiNK for me)
I don’t want you to love PiNK
(I want you to love yourself)

I want you to love Couture.
Love that it is complicated, complex, intricate, one of a kind, impossible to recreate, strong yet delicate, beautiful and shocking, innocent and passionate. Love that it is a process. Love that while it walks down the runway is most often bought by the pious to deck their child in the best of the best for baptism. Love that couture, like me, is made by only one, for only one with the purpose of pleasing only one.

I am Couture.
So yeah, love me.

A Woman's Heart

2008-01-18T20:46:00.000-05:00

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man has to seek Him first to find her." -- Maya Angelou

This might be the most beautiful quote I have ever come across in my entire life. It is so beautiful in fact, that I am going to run out right now and grab a book of Sister Angelou's and read it. I had forgotten just how much of an inspiration she truly is.

I just keep reading that quote.
I love that quote.
That quote will be my life.

A woman's heart should be so hidden in CHRIST that a man has to seek HIM first to find her.
beautiful.

beautiful.
perfect.
inspiring.

Runing Away: with God

2008-01-08T02:45:00.000-05:00

My New Year's resolution for last year was to figure out what I am supposed to/want to do in life.

Simple yet daunting at the same time.
But the most amazing part is that I did figure out what I am supposed to/want to do in life.

This got me thinking about how much God works in our lives.
As the break draws to an end for me, I have become increasingly jaded about being home. On top of that, I am very ambivalent about returning to the 'cuse. Which brings me to the heart of this post.

I have often dreamed of stowing away for a weekend.
In that dream, my companion was always a best friend.
The companion however, should have been my God.

The thought of, leaving my life for a while and focusing on nothing but my God actually makes those jaded and ambivalent feelings disappear.

No, inshallah,
this will happen.

2008: The Year of the Fast

2008-01-02T15:52:00.001-05:00

In lue of making New Year's Resolutions, I wanted to do something that would actaully draw me closer to God. Fasting for lent has always been a challange, but one that I have conqured many times over, thus, this year, for 2008 I will fast accordingly

January: Sugar
Febraury: Television
March: Bad Language
April: Caffeine
May: Facebook
June: AIM/Skype
July: Sex
August: Restaurants
Septmeber: Spending
October: Procrastination
November: Secular Music
December: Alcohol

I'm excited.

Education 2007: A Year of Beauty

2008-01-02T14:01:00.000-05:00

In honor of God letting me see then end of one year, and the start of another, I believe it's only fitting to shed light on the lessons he's taught me this past year. The theme of 2007 is beauty, beauty in him, his work, his people, everything.

Beauty of Image
The most important lesson I have learned through being an RA was the true meaning of being a role model. The job showed me exactly what it means to have your title overshadow everything that you do. But more importantly, it showed me how to truly live a life of worship. Through that position, God showed me how I am supposed to live my life for him. But the lesson was not a demonstration. I knew what it meant to live a life of worship, but I never knew what it felt like. I never knew what it felt like to be consumed by something other than your own image, but as a woman of God, that what he calls me to do, for him.

The Beauty of the Journey
In 2007 God threw some major curve balls at my life. I once prayed for God to break me and to show me what it is like to need him, while I am sure he's not done breaking me, those first initial breaking points will always stand out. I am on a journey to a place that only God can qualify me to God. I am no qualified to get there, but by his power I will. God is not always safe, but he is always good. God's way is not always easy, but it is right. So many amazing things have come out of those breaking points that I now relish in the low times. How easy is it to praise God when everything is going right? That doesn't mean that I don't love the blessings God bestows, it means that praise will continually be in my mouth.

The Beauty of Friendship
I truly believe that God ordains every aspect of our lives, including out friendships. This past year he showed his love for me by showing me those people that he's placed in my life to love me, and for me to love in return. God has truly blessed me with wonderful people that inspire me to live my life for him and what better friends can you ask for?

The Beauty of Waiting
Not everything God wants to give comes right away, that I have known forever, but this year I learned how beautiful waiting is. Its not beautiful because you know a blessing is coming or even because you know your faith is being tested, waiting is beautiful because it draws you closer to HIM. Waiting can be tiresome, painful and frustrating, confusing, and everything in between. But when God says wait, it's because he needs your attention. When he say wait, you have nothing else to do but sit and listen, and learn, and watch, and praise, and love.

Inshallah, 2008 will be just as educational.

Hell, Peace and Joy

2007-10-04T15:26:00.000-04:00

"You go into the ministry, when you've tried your hardest to do everything else"

I will remember the words said by my pastor for the rest of my life.

Well, to say that the past couple days have been rough would be an understatement.
they have been a form of hell.

What started out as stress, and anxiety around time management, balance, and quality of work quickly grew into questioning my life.

My life in music, that is.
to make a long and complicated story much shorter and pleasant to read,
I have decided that it is in my best interest to be a music industry minor, than a major.

Has a music major your life in consumed with classes all day, practicing all night, rehearsals, concerts, recitals, performances, and not to mention studying.

My life however is consumed with, music, practicing, rehearsals, residence life, ministry, arts advocacy and education, and service.
not bad, but not the life of a music major.

which is not to say that music majors do nothing else, because that would be an injustice to those whom I call friends that are out there doing everything!

but for me, my heart just was not in it any longer.
Oh, believe me, it's still in music, that can never and will never go away.

but, I no longer have the desire and passion that I have for the industry as I once did.
My passions have changed, and thus my life needed to reflect that change.

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received was that . . .

"stress comes when your schedule does not match your priorities."

that could not be more true, and more of the case.

My priorities have shifted, and rightfully so.
My eyes are on the prize and no, my academics are as well.

One of the greatest joys in life is being able to make money doing what you love to do.
but peace comes from doing what you are called to do.

both are great, but in my life, I'd rather have peace.
this peace is timeless,
unconditional,
unearthly,
divine,
and beautiful.

Yes, my heart still breaks every time I walk by Crouse, and I'm sure it always will.
but a broken heart can be minded.
Jesus heals the broken hearted.

but there can be no joy, no happiness, and no peace without God.
hell is separation from God.
and after ignoring God's salvation, there is no way out of hell.

The Expense of Faith

2007-08-09T00:54:00.000-04:00

I have just taken my first step on the Road to Worship.

that is telling people that I am walking down that road.

and low and behold.

the minute I start professing God's work.

he attacks.

I am currently in the midst of making my way back up to Syracuse for what will hence forth be known as "SUniversidad:AnoTres".

In this three day trek back to the Northeast, I have left some dear memories and friends behind.

It is here that I get into the true meat of the course.

"Take up thy cross and follow me."

This metaphor has many meanings but the one that is hitting home today is the idea of relationship sacrifices.

God wants to be the center of our lives. He wants to come first. He wants to be the ONLY.

He wants ALL OF ME.

I know that a life or worship means giving up everything for Christ.

My past

My present

My future

My priorities

My mind

My emotions

My body

My heart

My soul

My material wealth

My pride

My ambition

My sexuality

My anger

My sorrow

My guilt

My pain

My reasoning

My life

My free will.

but I never thought my love. Meant my love.

I thought the last thing standing in the way of me and the me my God is calling me to be was my own naive thoughts on worldly pleasures.

but those were easy to give up.

but my friends?

my family?

my love?

Yes. I know that no one comes before God. If I had to choose between denying a friend or denying my God, surely I would choose the friend. But this is the extreme.

In moving back to SU and being away from my friends, my heart broke like it has never broken before.

That is when I realized how much love I have for my friends.

and more importantly.

How much my love for my God needs to grow.

The way I feel about leaving Texas is the way my God feels when I sin and fall short of his glory.

He give us people to love, so that we can catch a glimpse at how much he loves us.

Faith is expensive.

but not in the way that I initially scripted.

Faith in God is expensive because it costs more than our hearts can possibly give.

I cannot NOT love God.

Yet as a sinner, as a human, I do not have the capacity to love him the way he deserves to be loved.

Yet he loves me, unconditionally, still.

and my love for him grows.

It's About One Moment

2007-07-18T21:56:00.000-04:00

It's about one moment

That moment you think you know where you stand

And in that one moment

The things that you're sure of slip from your hand

And you've got one second

To try to be clear, to try to stand tall

But nothing's the same

And the wind starts to blow

And you're suddenly a stranger

In some completely different land

And you thought you knew

But you didn't have a clue

That the surface sometimes cracks

To reveal the tracks

To a new world

It really is about one moment. For me that one moment was offering God's word in Worship service this semester. I was scared, nervous, frantic, and worried. But afterwards. I had a brand new peace. A peace that I had never felt before. A peace so strong it has yet to be disturbed. It's the peace that comes from finally hearing what God has been telling you all along. It's the peace that comes when you know exactly what you are supposed to do, and you know that you cannot fail. It's the peace that comes when you follow God.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Christina Nikole Saulsberry, although I go by my middle name, Nikole. In print you will often see me refer to myself as C. Nikole. Some people feel the need to add the C in front of my name. If it makes you happy so be it! As of now I am exactly 241 months old (more commonly known as 2o and a month). I am going to be a Junior at Syracuse University where I study Music Industry and Communications and Rhetorical Studies. I am over-involved with campus life at SU and thoroughly enjoy my time there. As my little biographical blurb states, I am also from Houston, Texas (also known as the state that God blessed 10 times OVER!). More specifically I hail from the great suburb of Clear Lake.

It is not my intention to bore you with trivial details of myself which will no doubt come up in the following posts so I will leave you with the intent of this blog:

God has called me to serve him in a greater capacity in his ministry. As I am growing and exploring where this will take me, I thought it would be interesting, beneficial, and exciting to blog about it!

Amen.